Hi dear,
We've never spoken before so I don't know what your father did to hurt you, but take it from someone who was verbally and physically abused by his dad for years and tried to kill himself; it was the stupidest thing I've ever done. I've learned that I was giving him more power over me than he had by letting him get to me like that. This was 9 years ago and I still have issues, but I'm living a relatively decent life now that I'm no longer around him. You can do it too. Don't let him take anything more from you than he's already taken. I hope you will be ok, take care.