My head is always full to bursting with so many thoughts, I need some peace from them even if it's only temporary. I always have to think over everything. I wish I could see or hear or feel something without having to keep it going round and round in my head until I completely understand it. Cos there are some things that I will never understand, I just have to accept them. But even though I tell myself that nearly every day, there's still a little part of my brain that keeps ticking all these things over constantly. I need a way to shut my head up. Drugs and drink don't work, a part of me always stays sober and wont let me just drift away. I've tried writing it all down or talking to a professional but all my thoughts are linked in such an intricate web that I can't just let a few of them out without nothing making any sense or everything just getting locked up with the strain of there being so much and I just shut down. I can't close myself off to things, painful events that happened years ago are still fresh in my mind because I can't figure out why they happened. It's like my mind will never be at peace until I can be sure that I always do the right thing, but that's impossible. The only conclusion that I ever come to is that I'll only have peace once I'm dead, I only hold on to avoid causing people who care about me pain. But is there anyone who would miss me? And am I just causing more pain by being alive?