Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by RainbowChaser, Jun 23, 2007.

  1. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    It seems that I am forever reading posts by guys asking why they are not good enough for girls. Most of the time it comes down to "There's something psychically wrong with me, but otherwise I'm a great person, why don't girls like me? Why do they go out with arseholes instead?"

    This is my (extreamely personal) answer to all that.

    • The 'arsehole' guy was never an arsehole in the beggining. They were nice, heck probably just like you. It isn't till they get the girl's trust that they turn out to be arseholes. This is what happened to me.
    • The girl has probably never had a boyfriend or hasn't had one for a while, and goes for the first guy who pays her enough attention. Again, this happened to me.
    • The guy who says "There's something psychically wrong with me, but otherwise I'm a great person" can make the girl think that she's done something wrong in not making a move sooner, that she has upset you and you don't want to know her. Or, you know, doing this with enough conviction can make guys seem egotistical. Guys who just ask "Why does no-one love me?", or say that they're "not that bad" don't sound anywhere near as big-headed as saying you're great - people have to find that bit out for themselves, or it has no value. Or, the girl thinks you're lying about being a great person, because they've had a bad experince (possibly like #1?). Take your pick. And yes, all three have happened to me.
    • The girl needs you to be a friend before a lover. Coming onto a girl too quickly and strongly can really hurt. And guess what? This has happened to me too!
    • The girl has been rejected plenty of times before, and doesn't want to risk that again. And you guessed it - it happened to me.

    You need further explination? I asked out 5 guys between the ages of 17 and 18. Six months later a really nice (but not brilliant looking) guy asked to meet up with me and paid me more attention than I'd ever been paid in my life. The night we met up he sexually assaulted me. I stayed with him for 13 months, because I knew no other guy would have me. Shortly after he split with me guys came on to me far too fast and freaked me out, and then I couldn't trust any guy who seemed nice enough.

    Oh and I have a friend that I would go out with, but he is also a friend of my ex's, and he's sick of having all his friends "cast offs" because he thinks that's all he can get. And you know what? I feel so guilty that I went to meet my ex instead of maybe waiting a month and meeting this guy instead.

    So yeah, if you're going to blame the girl for "not seeing the best in you" or whatever, at least you can be a little more informed about it :dry:
  2. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    Amen and thats just like 1% of it, there are so many things more :eek:hmy:
  3. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Amen to that Sistah Sammie. :hug:
  4. One who listens..

    One who listens.. Well-Known Member

    /me represents the rawring testosterone of Manliness that is needed in this thread.

    Guys, read the above line. That is NOT a good way to start a relationship.

    But seriously, on the subject first posted. I actually was that nice guy! 2 and a half (give or take) years ago with my girlfriend, when I first met her. Difference was, I didn't so much as kiss her until almost a year and a half after meeting her.

    Start SLOWLY, don't rush. That terrifies a lot of people, (Including me, and I'm a guy!) to no end. There is nothing scarier then commitment (to me).
    And when you are looking into someone elses relationship, don't judge either person by how they act to other people. It is how they act to each other that matter. I've seen total assholes be wonderful gentlemen to their girls, an I've seen the kindest people (a good friend of mine falls in this list) that are total assholes to their girlfriends.
    The things people do vary dramatically in relationships, and there really is no set way to figure out, "Should I be slow with this girl? Or is it going to make her think I don't like her?" You need to test the waters, and be sensitive to your partners feelings.

    In most cases I've seen of guys without girlfriends, it is because they simple can't understand their partners needs. Or would be partners.

    - OWL
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2007
  5. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    I know I'm waking this thread up after a long while, but I've been thinking about this subject alot recently, even if I have very little else to say on the subject.

    Thanks Julie and Jess, for understanding :hug:

    And OWL? I honestly think your girlfriend is very lucky to have someone like you :hug:
  6. K3

    K3 Well-Known Member

    I know my reply isn't worth much, nor is it. Generally all replys can do is Cheer you up. Only thing im really good for at the moment. So in the mean-time of trying not to get depressed myself, I'd just like to say. Your ex? You stayed with him for 12 months or so, as you have said.. >.> He's lucky he won't see me.

    Rain, you mean a HECK of alot to me. I mean, I get texts from you nearly every day. Today I got a PM.. I got a post card (From lots of people). Seriously, no ONE girl has actually been nice to me. So i'd like to say.

    Sammie. Remember that people here love you. That I - Me - Self - Personally! Love you! With all my heart and soul, and I could not bare to see anything bad happen to you. I'd rather have it happen to me.

    Anyway m'love.. Just thought I should let you know...