I am new here, not sure if I needed to add to my first post or start a new one.
The story is that I have been dealing with the mental health center in person and on the phone the last two days. What they offer me in the way of help is beyond ridiculously poor.
I guess you have to be wealthy and have good insurance to get a decent therapist. I saw my therapist last before Thanksgiving and do not get to see her again until the 24th. My medication is not working, I had to go off of it and have talked to the nurse there who communicates with the doctor and I do not get to see her until the 24th.
I was also in the "DBT" group yesterday, which is truly NOT a dbt group that the therapist teaches a damn thing. The group lasts 2 hrs which a total waste of my life, I have given it a chance, but I knew the first day that she did not have any training to teach this class at all. I listed yesterday 10 things within an hour consisting of very negative statements about behaviors that people with borderline personality disorder do. Or as she calls us, BPD'ers. She has done this every class, this was the second time I just took notes of her negative comments. So after after hour, feeling in desperate need of help and this was what I was getting, I was about to burst and I finally spoke up. I told her, in front of the whole group that I had listed 10 very negative comments that she had made, some twice about us and that I feel like I am going down a black hole, not to return and asked how was this supposed to be helpful? (to me or anyone for that matter). I am court ordered to go to this class or I would be arrested. I am seriously thinking about saying "F" the whole place.
Then I just started crying and saying that I felt like things were really going downhill for me and I didn't know what to do. I also mentioned how my sister had basically ditched me before Christmas and yelled at me when I was in ICU after an overdose in September which devastated me. After all the crap she has shoveled at me which I believe is because of my mental illness, I am done with her, but that does not make it hurt less.
I digress, the therapist responded only to say that "I thought YOU were trying to end your relationship with your sister". Yes I was, but that does not make her any less of a bitch and the therapist had no comment to make about my comments about the class. She actually just looked shell shocked. She is the therapist on call, did not offer to talk to me and I asked her if my therapist had contacted her about seeing me since I had not seen anyone in so long and am basically in a crisis. She just said no and left.
Today, I talked with the nurse, because she asked me to call her after taking my blood pressure for a week because Lexapro was raising it. It is ok now, but the med was just making me feel worse, I have had an antidepressant make me more depressed, so I am not shocked. I tried to talk to her about getting some help because I feel like I could easily be in the hospital right now, but am avoiding that at all costs. She tried to explain away that the mental health center is doing the best they can and that my therapist has 200 patients/clients.
Oh, so its either the hospital or nothing? How screwed up is that? I cannot afford $40 co-pays per visit for an individual therapist. There has to be something between nothing and a $15,000 hospital bill. Plus they treat you like you are retarded, not depressed. Like a child, etc. Threatening, controlling your bed time and silly groups that don't help. There is no individual therapy.
So the way I see it, I have no access to any decent therapy. How much can you really accomplish in one hour a damn month.
I feel completely doomed and that there is no hope for me. I feel myself heading downward and there is no help anywhere for me. I sure do not want to live in a damn hospital while I pay rent and everything for an apartment. Staying there more than a week is no fun and really not an option for long term. So I am just screwed.
What hope is there for me. I think a person with borderline needs support for the rest of their life and I was told that by a good psychiatrist and I do realize that myself. The really fucked up thing is that this is all about money, my lack of it. I am on disability and medicare. I am not sure how much longer I can make it. If I get the impulse to take an overdose, it is DONE!
Daria
The story is that I have been dealing with the mental health center in person and on the phone the last two days. What they offer me in the way of help is beyond ridiculously poor.
I guess you have to be wealthy and have good insurance to get a decent therapist. I saw my therapist last before Thanksgiving and do not get to see her again until the 24th. My medication is not working, I had to go off of it and have talked to the nurse there who communicates with the doctor and I do not get to see her until the 24th.
I was also in the "DBT" group yesterday, which is truly NOT a dbt group that the therapist teaches a damn thing. The group lasts 2 hrs which a total waste of my life, I have given it a chance, but I knew the first day that she did not have any training to teach this class at all. I listed yesterday 10 things within an hour consisting of very negative statements about behaviors that people with borderline personality disorder do. Or as she calls us, BPD'ers. She has done this every class, this was the second time I just took notes of her negative comments. So after after hour, feeling in desperate need of help and this was what I was getting, I was about to burst and I finally spoke up. I told her, in front of the whole group that I had listed 10 very negative comments that she had made, some twice about us and that I feel like I am going down a black hole, not to return and asked how was this supposed to be helpful? (to me or anyone for that matter). I am court ordered to go to this class or I would be arrested. I am seriously thinking about saying "F" the whole place.
Then I just started crying and saying that I felt like things were really going downhill for me and I didn't know what to do. I also mentioned how my sister had basically ditched me before Christmas and yelled at me when I was in ICU after an overdose in September which devastated me. After all the crap she has shoveled at me which I believe is because of my mental illness, I am done with her, but that does not make it hurt less.
I digress, the therapist responded only to say that "I thought YOU were trying to end your relationship with your sister". Yes I was, but that does not make her any less of a bitch and the therapist had no comment to make about my comments about the class. She actually just looked shell shocked. She is the therapist on call, did not offer to talk to me and I asked her if my therapist had contacted her about seeing me since I had not seen anyone in so long and am basically in a crisis. She just said no and left.
Today, I talked with the nurse, because she asked me to call her after taking my blood pressure for a week because Lexapro was raising it. It is ok now, but the med was just making me feel worse, I have had an antidepressant make me more depressed, so I am not shocked. I tried to talk to her about getting some help because I feel like I could easily be in the hospital right now, but am avoiding that at all costs. She tried to explain away that the mental health center is doing the best they can and that my therapist has 200 patients/clients.
Oh, so its either the hospital or nothing? How screwed up is that? I cannot afford $40 co-pays per visit for an individual therapist. There has to be something between nothing and a $15,000 hospital bill. Plus they treat you like you are retarded, not depressed. Like a child, etc. Threatening, controlling your bed time and silly groups that don't help. There is no individual therapy.
So the way I see it, I have no access to any decent therapy. How much can you really accomplish in one hour a damn month.
I feel completely doomed and that there is no hope for me. I feel myself heading downward and there is no help anywhere for me. I sure do not want to live in a damn hospital while I pay rent and everything for an apartment. Staying there more than a week is no fun and really not an option for long term. So I am just screwed.
What hope is there for me. I think a person with borderline needs support for the rest of their life and I was told that by a good psychiatrist and I do realize that myself. The really fucked up thing is that this is all about money, my lack of it. I am on disability and medicare. I am not sure how much longer I can make it. If I get the impulse to take an overdose, it is DONE!
Daria
