It's been coming a mile off. I could see it but did nothing about it. Tried to run before I could walk. Thought I could handle everything but I guess that's where being delusional gets you. Severely behind on work, working shifts and a fucking annoying mother in law who is doing my head in with her wedding bullshit. The only free time I get to catch up on my work is gonna be spent trekking down to Hemel Hempstead two weeks in a row cos she's so fucking dumb to have her wedding so far away from home. Wish I had never agreed to be a bridemaid otherwise I'd not go. Feel so down and upset, angry and been crying. I can't cope I am gonna fall behind, also trying to concentrate on trying to pass my driving test. I feel so under appreciated both on here and in life I try my best for the sake of everyone and it never gets me very far. So many triggers about that I just want to SH. Have a stash and I am getting closer and closer to the edge. A psychiatrist who is as useful as a chocolate fireguard. It's so bad that on Friday after my GP appt after trying to explain my frustrations (which got me nowhere) I cried all the way home and completely broke down, it's gotten so bad my mum has suggested going private but I can't be doing with the hassle all over again. Got all these medical appts trying to balance work on top and I'm drowning. What is the point? I am a disgusting, useless, diseased, HIV + failure that is never going to get anywhere in life because I can't handle it. I can't handle any of it anymore. All I wanna do is, better left unsaid.