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head's a mess

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#1
do you ever feel like you're losing your sanity tryna figure out if you're too sensitive or if other people are potentially not sensitive enough?! I know there's no right or wrong answer technically as everyone is different but.... you know what I mean?!
 
#2
I think most people can relate to the experience of not knowing whether a source of conflict is coming from others or from within themselves. Often times it's not a matter of either/or.

It sounds like this is about something specific. Do you feel like saying more about what's making you feel this way? It's ok not to if you don't want to, but I'd like to hear what you have to say.
 
#3
I think most people can relate to the experience of not knowing whether a source of conflict is coming from others or from within themselves. Often times it's not a matter of either/or.

It sounds like this is about something specific. Do you feel like saying more about what's making you feel this way? It's ok not to if you don't want to, but I'd like to hear what you have to say.
it's just about conflict with someone I'm close to, they said they wanted me to tell them if anything they ever do or say makes me feel bad so over time I've mentioned a few things- none of them are major problems but things I suppose I've been too sensitive to. For example, sometimes when I'm being sincere and heartfelt the person tells me to shut up in one way or another, and although I've always known they mean no harm it still bugged me cause at times I found it annoying or slightly rude and kinda insensitive slightly, again not majorly, it's not the worst thing ever, but anyway stupid things like that on a similar level I mentioned a few times this year and the person said they understood but other times they got offended about it. The latest thing that came up seemed to get them at boiling point and they got nasty with me and basically implied I need to shut up cause they never do anything wrong it's just my "projections" :/ I know they havent done anything wrong as such, I was just saying how I felt because they wanted to know!! so I'm like oh...... now I feel guilty for ever saying what bugged me, and looking back I'm like oh god I was too sensitive over nothing, but then also I feel like the person's response was insensitive so *dunno2 so I dont know if I really have been hypersensitive or if it's them taking things too personally and misinterpreting me, like they have low self-esteem and they assume things are worse than they are. Like they think me being "sensitive" to stuff is the equivalent of me saying they need to change themselves for me or that they aren't good enough - yet I've never said those things and have even reassured them I've never meant that or thought that. I think maybe I triggered off their insecurities big time, not intended, but they're making out I'm awful for being "sensitive" and I need to get a grip kinda thing

I just feel embarrassed! I kinda want reassurance that I haven't been hypersensitive, but also looking back I feel like I have been I guess, they were only small things but also I couldn't help how they effected me at the time! Basically the person made out I've just been too sensitive therefore I should never say if stuff they've done or said made me feel bad in any way, and now I feel like I gotta prove to this person that I'll never be "sensitive" again *wacko
I wanna hide in a hole and erase their memory of it, I don't want to be seen as pathetic :/
 
#4
While on the one hand it's good that this person wanted to know what things made you feel bad, it sounds like they weren't ready to calmly hear what you had to say.

Especially since you were asked specifically to mention things that bothered you, I don't think you did anything wrong by doing that.

Maybe you'll be able to engage in a dialogue with this person eventually and work this out, but they may not be calm enough to do that yet.
 

Wispiwill

Well-Known Member
#5
Sometimes people will ask you to tell them if something bothers you but they don't necessarily mean it. It's like people asking you how you are - but really just wanting you to say that you're fine. It's not really meant as a real enquiry. They're just being polite. Do you think maybe they meant it that way?
 
#6
Sometimes people will ask you to tell them if something bothers you but they don't necessarily mean it. It's like people asking you how you are - but really just wanting you to say that you're fine. It's not really meant as a real enquiry. They're just being polite. Do you think maybe they meant it that way?
that's an interesting point, could be. I know the person had good intent when they said it but yeah I'm not sure they were wanting to hear it when it came to the reality of it.
 

foreverforgotten

Quiet Observer
SF Supporter
#7
Sometimes people will ask you to tell them if something bothers you but they don't necessarily mean it. It's like people asking you how you are - but really just wanting you to say that you're fine. It's not really meant as a real enquiry. They're just being polite. Do you think maybe they meant it that way?
Exactly..
 

foreverforgotten

Quiet Observer
SF Supporter
#8
*hug for you.. Ive gotten this a lot in life too.. Its easy to believe them and get manipulated if it gets to the gaslighting level... So just be careful and cautious about taking it too seriously. even being a sensitive persin is not a bad thing. It shows you have higher empathy. And a lot of people dont.
 

Kikuhiko

Cleric of the Moonlight
#9
Well I feel like I'm losing my grip on sanity all the time, though I'll admit it's for a different reason, as for sensitivity, sometimes there are some topics I don't handle very well and when they're being discussed I wonder if I'm being sensitive about them, but it' not a primary concern, as I don't much care what people think about me anymore.

it's just about conflict with someone I'm close to, they said they wanted me to tell them if anything they ever do or say makes me feel bad so over time I've mentioned a few things- none of them are major problems but things I suppose I've been too sensitive to. For example, sometimes when I'm being sincere and heartfelt the person tells me to shut up in one way or another, and although I've always known they mean no harm it still bugged me cause at times I found it annoying or slightly rude and kinda insensitive slightly, again not majorly, it's not the worst thing ever, but anyway stupid things like that on a similar level I mentioned a few times this year and the person said they understood but other times they got offended about it. The latest thing that came up seemed to get them at boiling point and they got nasty with me and basically implied I need to shut up cause they never do anything wrong it's just my "projections" :/ I know they havent done anything wrong as such, I was just saying how I felt because they wanted to know!! so I'm like oh...... now I feel guilty for ever saying what bugged me, and looking back I'm like oh god I was too sensitive over nothing, but then also I feel like the person's response was insensitive so *dunno2 so I dont know if I really have been hypersensitive or if it's them taking things too personally and misinterpreting me, like they have low self-esteem and they assume things are worse than they are. Like they think me being "sensitive" to stuff is the equivalent of me saying they need to change themselves for me or that they aren't good enough - yet I've never said those things and have even reassured them I've never meant that or thought that. I think maybe I triggered off their insecurities big time, not intended, but they're making out I'm awful for being "sensitive" and I need to get a grip kinda thing

I just feel embarrassed! I kinda want reassurance that I haven't been hypersensitive, but also looking back I feel like I have been I guess, they were only small things but also I couldn't help how they effected me at the time! Basically the person made out I've just been too sensitive therefore I should never say if stuff they've done or said made me feel bad in any way, and now I feel like I gotta prove to this person that I'll never be "sensitive" again *wacko
I wanna hide in a hole and erase their memory of it, I don't want to be seen as pathetic :/
Well if that's the case I can relate to some degree, when I was a kid my siblings had a really bad habit of interrupting whenever I tried to say something (I was really shy, like I wouldn't say a single word in days shy, and communicated mostly by gestures like nodding and stuff) and claiming to whomever I was trying to talk with that I had nothing interesting to say, and if the person tried pointing out they were being rude they would claim that I was like a robot and had no feelings just because I was also very stoic.

So I get it hurts really bad when people say stuff like that, that being said due to being very inexperienced with human interaction back then, I did tend to be really blunt whenever I did talk, so I won't deny that I also probably came off as rude sometimes, but most of the times I tried talking with someone was about movies or videogames or silly stuff like that.
 
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