Healing a broken soul

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Shagarath, Jun 30, 2016.

  1. Shagarath

    Shagarath Active Member

    I have never been suicidal, but I have been past the point where life didn't matter anymore. During the last year, I have made some huge scars trough my self.. Now I no longer feel that I have a "reason" for being depressed, but I still often get the urge to just sit down and cry because "I have done so much to try and feel better... Why won't it let me be glad? How long do I have to keep fighting a fight nobody sees?"

    I have reasons to believe that most of the bad stuff now, is simply me trying to heal after being on the edge of suicidal thoughts. What I want to ask about is simply if there are any good ways to help speed up this process...

    Every time I have a bad day I feel I'm back to the same as I was when it all was worst. It makes me feel lost, and it makes me want to give up. I just want to get better... Why can't I?
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, we all carry battle wounds but you have to be strong. Like you, I have struggled even though my wounds will never heal but when you have you choice you must dig deep to find some how find the will to live.

    Keep posting as we can help you but sometimes the battle from within us about surviving on a day by day basis.
     
  3. Shagarath

    Shagarath Active Member

    i have a lot of stuff that needs to be done in the house, but every time i get myself up of the sofa, im starting to feel tired...
    when i get tired i start feeling hopeless and when i become hopeless, the only thing i know that "helps" is to distract myself with the computer, so back to the sofa i go...
     
  4. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Realistic goals are crucial. You have a lot to do in the house, and you want to get it all done and if you can do it in a hour or a day, you are gonna try and do that. So we need to start small and build. Start with a small job. Make a list with how long you think certain tasks will take and then work through them, one job at a time, one day at a time. And remember, everytime you complete a task, reward yourself for your great achievement.

    Lack of motivation and tiredness are classic components of depression as is the feeling of hopelessness.

    My psych told me all this fairly recently and so far, I cant really disagree. But there are days where I cant do anything. I no longer beat myself up about that as I know its because I am ill.
     
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  5. Shagarath

    Shagarath Active Member

    as far as "need to do" goes... im quite easygoing on myself... just.. what im trying to say is that i have become so emotionally tired, that im in a constant state where i no longer can tell when im emotionally tired and when im just tired after a long day...

    it makes the day so much more difficult cause i dont know if i should fix it by sleeping or distracting myself. often it ends with me trying to sleep it away, just to wake up to the same tired feeling... distracting myself with a computer etc only works for a while, then i get restless. but then again, as soon as im trying to do something, i end up tired and hopeless (nearly crying). every time im tired i have no problems falling asleep, so if i really was tired that would mean i "have to" sleep 20h a day...
     
  6. Shagarath

    Shagarath Active Member

    hah... i thought things was getting better... i really did.
    i have gone through all of this with my parents full support, just to now end up feeling like that support has been more hollow than the inside of a balloon.
    my mom. first time i told her about my depression, she refused to believe me. she blamed my (now) ex for brainwashing me, and said that this was not the boy she had new all those years.

    well... that felt like getting slapped in the face, but at least i thought i had proven her how real it all was.
    i thought she understood, and wanted to help.
    my sister visited me a few weeks ago. she told me that mom still thinks "She made him a wreck"
    now all i can think is "what the fuck is wrong with you mom?"
    i thought she was supporting me. i even had started working on a plan on how to make them open up enough to maybe be able to help me, then all of a sudden im told that everything i have told her the last 2 years, isn't worth shit, because she decided on everything during the first month!

    i no longer want to try and make mom more "helping" for me... all i want is for her to fuck off, cause i feel betrayed by her now. even tho i love her.
    thank you mom, for making my depression even worse. as if it wasnt fucked up enough, already!