healing and I don't like it (trigger?)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by WeepingWillow, Sep 8, 2006.

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  1. WeepingWillow

    WeepingWillow Well-Known Member

    Does anyone ever see their wounds start to heal and that alone makes them want to do it again? It's all fading and I only want to do it more. Right now I'm on here typing INSTEAD of cutting. When I'm done I will probably clean... housework is busy. I dont know what then. But I am trying just like what I would want someone else to do but I am being honest when I say that I don't know how long the busy-ness will last and I'll do it again. I dont want my arms to be seen but I also dont want the wounds to fade. It's so intense and I know I will feel better and when I do it will finally be off my mind. If I do other things, cutting will still be on my mind, I just wont be doing it. I cant literally talk to anyone right now but I can post here.... it's something. My arm itches so bad even as I type now. If anyone else is reading this at least know Im trying and I hope someone else at least tries to distract themselves as well, even only for a a little while. Maybe after awhile I can distract myself long enough the urge will go away, at least for that time. Maybe I can practice at not doing it. I would really love to scream. I'm gonna find something to do and i will be back. Thank u for listening.
     
  2. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    thats it hun you stay in there fighting.

    i also feel totally the same way, i am missing some of the old ones that are fading, and feel i need to make up the numbers again, or something like that. maybe having them is a reminder of how many times i have cut before, or even worse they are fading because i havent done it right which makes me want to go deeper. i think i better stop right now before i trigger someone or myself, im not feeling very with it today as we speak. but i how you can find some solace in the face you are not alone.
     
  3. WeepingWillow

    WeepingWillow Well-Known Member

    I hope you havent done anything. I havent. I drove. Driving makes it kinda hard to do it, ya know?
    I called a friend to distract myself. I was in panic mode. he didnt know what was going on. i didnt tell him because talking about it makes it worse. I still thought about it. he had to go...i didnt feel better. so I drove. Im back and feel a little better for now. Thank u (((hugs)))
     
  4. allofme

    allofme Staff Alumni

    i understand guys/gals.... i think it is because we want some evidence of how much we hurt on the inside to show on the outside... and whem we heal and fade.. it is like .. "wait a minute.. i dont feel better ..so you cand go away yet.." and i so know about wanting to go deeper to make sure it does nto leave.. hope you two are safe.. and great job..
     
  5. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    Hey, im proud of you for trying.. =)... do you still wanna scream? just do it.. if you dont want anyone to hear scream into a pillow..screaming helps.. go running.. running makes you tired.. good luck, here if you wanna talk x
     
  6. WeepingWillow

    WeepingWillow Well-Known Member

    I went thru last nite without doing it. Today Im having a really decent day today. I hope it stays like that. I hope you all are doing well.
     
  7. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    hun that is really good, well done :hug:
     
  8. WeepingWillow

    WeepingWillow Well-Known Member

    That's exactly how I feel. But I didn't realize it until you said it. inside is still broken so the outside should match. I almost told someone about it last night but I didn't. Now, today, I am thinking I wont have to because I will stop and then there's nothng to tell. But I'm not so sure. I'm gonna keep my mouth shut for now, I cant say anything. Only one person in my life knows and it's okay because it's like it's not there. I don't think it can be that way with anyone else. Just someone knowing is enough. I've already learned a lot from being on here too. And I feel like I make sense.
     
  9. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    You do make perfect sense. We all need support and friends.
    Take it one day at a time.

    I used to drive at night with the windows up and scream
    that way. It helped. I really wish I was a runner like Allo suggested.
    Maybe in time.
     
  10. rachypooh

    rachypooh Well-Known Member

    I am so there aswell, I want some of my scars to stay just so I have proof of what I have been through, I know that kinda seems stupid. No one understands the pain inside and the scars on the outside show just a portion of that.
    Anyways if you wanna talk im here, that goes for anyone really.

    Rach
     
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