healthy people just cant undarstand it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by, Jun 26, 2009.

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    i am bi-polar
    and i have a brother whom i didn't saw for years (like more then 10 years)
    after we re-meet again, we saw how both of us changed (obviously).
    he had a wife, in a process of divorce, and i had bi-polar disorder,
    i guess those are the major changes (sure there were lots of minor once).
    but while live and relations are obvious, bi-polarity is not.
    and while my brother is surrounded with understanding and support
    me, i am sort of weird black sheep, people are cautious when they near me
    they prefer not to talk to me directly as seems like they cant figure out
    what is there on my mind, sort of blank face, emotionless.
    Yet while we have social conversations, they do listen to me and we all
    talk as a group, each one says his opinion on the topic.

    I noticed that "unusual" topics are very unacceptable (such as philosophy)
    I think it is because people don't know how to deal with those topics.
    they talk about girls and football and cars, and that's pretty much it.
    Yesterday i spend some time with a few friends, we had a nice time
    talked about lots of stuff, but when I brought up some philosophical topics
    they all went quiet, and soon after changed subject, as if i didn't said anything.

    my brother also keeps pushing me to stop taking meds, he think that my
    lack of emotions is due to pills, i tried to explain to him that its not like that
    but he just stared at me with a confused look in his eyes.

    it also seem that people don't understand what suicide really is.
    they blame us for being selfish, they say that we are depressed because
    we prefer not to do anything (sort of "why don't you go out for a walk")
    and they say that we are abusing our mental state to justify ourselves being lazy.

    they also tend to think about themselves, like, if you kill yourself you will hurt your parents
    but they never think about that if i don't kill myself, i will suffer
    (sort of "i don't care that you are suffering, just don't harm me")

    I wounder, what is the point in fighting to take a role in a society
    when you are an outcast, and people around you, even though they don't admit it
    they still treat you as outcast.
    my brother told me about his great deal of respect to me
    yet in 3 weeks he have a weeding and i wasn't invited
    later on he told me that i am invited but due to large amount of people
    he cant be sure there will be enough place for me to fit in

    i don't blame him really, no one want an outcast on his wedding
    when everyone are dancing and laughing and there is this 1 guy
    wearing all black sitting in the corner with a blank emotionless face.
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I am sorry you aren't invited to the wedding that has got to hurt but it sort of sounds like you don't want to be doing that sort of thing right now anyways..your in pain, very raw so I say to hell with it and spend that time with us we are the black sheep of the world... the ones that make peope uncomfortable, the ones nobody wants to face so come hang with us wedding day and you can be you and loved for black off in the corner and all we are glad to have you!

    I am a black sheep and now i am proud of it..i don't want to be like them..I am sad but I would be a robot if I had to fit myself in that world and I suspect you would too.
  3. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I personally don't like attending weddings. Whenever someone close invites me, it's like a chore. I'd rather be doing other things. And weddings last hours. Unless you want to see someone, I wouldn't worry about it. One of my ex girlfriends didn't invite me to her wedding. I told my friend that I couldn't make the wedding because of good Friday. But the wedding was on a Saturday. There are many different reasons for not inviting.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 26, 2009
  4. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Obviously not being invited to this wedding would hurt, but i agree with the above post, i find weddings tedious, unfortunately i'm maid of honour for my aunts in August ¬¬ But at least you can take solace in the fact that you dont need to worry about an outfit, present or small talk, although i know it's only a little comfort. :hug:
  5. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Hey! I can relate to everything you just said.

    Don't take the wedding personally, as it's for the best. He knows that you won't fully enjoy the wedding anyway, and it's probably very stressful to see you at the wedding, as you don't know or socialize with his friends, he don't want it to be a burden for both him and you.

    It's for the best and you know it too. If I were you, I'd take it personally. But seeing it from a third person point of view, it's for the best.

    I like philosophical questions too.. I question about life a, why, what if, when, etc.
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