i am bi-polar and i have a brother whom i didn't saw for years (like more then 10 years) after we re-meet again, we saw how both of us changed (obviously). he had a wife, in a process of divorce, and i had bi-polar disorder, i guess those are the major changes (sure there were lots of minor once). but while live and relations are obvious, bi-polarity is not. and while my brother is surrounded with understanding and support me, i am sort of weird black sheep, people are cautious when they near me they prefer not to talk to me directly as seems like they cant figure out what is there on my mind, sort of blank face, emotionless. Yet while we have social conversations, they do listen to me and we all talk as a group, each one says his opinion on the topic. I noticed that "unusual" topics are very unacceptable (such as philosophy) I think it is because people don't know how to deal with those topics. they talk about girls and football and cars, and that's pretty much it. Yesterday i spend some time with a few friends, we had a nice time talked about lots of stuff, but when I brought up some philosophical topics they all went quiet, and soon after changed subject, as if i didn't said anything. my brother also keeps pushing me to stop taking meds, he think that my lack of emotions is due to pills, i tried to explain to him that its not like that but he just stared at me with a confused look in his eyes. it also seem that people don't understand what suicide really is. they blame us for being selfish, they say that we are depressed because we prefer not to do anything (sort of "why don't you go out for a walk") and they say that we are abusing our mental state to justify ourselves being lazy. they also tend to think about themselves, like, if you kill yourself you will hurt your parents but they never think about that if i don't kill myself, i will suffer (sort of "i don't care that you are suffering, just don't harm me") I wounder, what is the point in fighting to take a role in a society when you are an outcast, and people around you, even though they don't admit it they still treat you as outcast. my brother told me about his great deal of respect to me yet in 3 weeks he have a weeding and i wasn't invited later on he told me that i am invited but due to large amount of people he cant be sure there will be enough place for me to fit in i don't blame him really, no one want an outcast on his wedding when everyone are dancing and laughing and there is this 1 guy wearing all black sitting in the corner with a blank emotionless face.