Heartache sucks

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by NinjaSwan, Oct 13, 2009.

  1. NinjaSwan

    NinjaSwan Active Member

    Hey there.

    First off, I want to say thank you for taking the time to read this. It shouldn't be too long, as there is only one reason I am really writing this for. I have reached out to y'all before, and it definitely helped.

    I am 17 years old. Young, I know. I have had battled depression for about 3 years, and I was very suicidal for a long time. Within the last few months or so, I have completely flipped my life upside-down, and actually started to live. I've realized that life is too short to not follow what I love and to find all the great things that are out there. I found my greatest passion long ago-music- and have decided to follow that with all my heart, as nothing makes me feel more alive. There is one thing, though, that I can't seem to get over.

    If you guessed it was about a girl, than you were right. About a year ago, I met Melissa. Around that time, I was in a very dark place with myself. I didn't have anyone to turn to- no family or friends I could trust at all. We got to know each other, and really clicked. For the first time in my life, somebody actually treated me with respect.

    I guess this might sound very corny, but she was like an angel to me. I remember the first day we really hit it off- The week before had been so bad, I already had a plan on how to kill myself. I was self-harming everyday, and I wanted nothing more than to die. But, she was there for me, although she never knew and I never told her how bad it was. She, for the most part, thought I was a pretty normal dude. I can't into words what she meant to me, but to sum it up, she saved my life.

    We then started to see each other, but I was extremely cautious. I didn't want to become to attached- I know the dangers of placing your emotional welfare on another person. It isn't healthy, and I know true happiness can only come from yourself and no one else. I told myself I was not going to fall for her. I was to afraid as to what might happen. But guess what? I did. I fell completely in love. I never knew what love really was until I met her. Even after she learned of my depression, she didn't shy away like everyone else in my life did. She treated me like a real person, not trying to change me, just accepting me for who I was.

    Anyways we went out for about 6 months. We rarely had chances to see each other, but when we did, they were the most amazing times of my life. I've never felt so much affection and caring for one person before. Heck, it was more important to me that she was happy. Even if she didn't like me anymore. If I had a choice of her being with me, or her being happier with someone else, I would want her to be with someone else, regardless of how much it hurt.

    As you may have guessed by now, she broke it off. She said it was too hard with not being able to see me often, and she understood if I hated her. I of course, don't hate her, and I told her that. And that was it. It's been 6 months, and I have talked to her twice since then. She has initiated contact both times, because I figured if she is happier now, then it is best for me to move on.

    But I can't. I have tried so hard. Just when I thought i was moving on, I saw a picture of her and it felt like my heart died on the spot. I have never felt anywhere near this amount of heartache. I just miss her so much. She had many trust issues and family issues of her own, and she doesn't seem to be doing any better. I want to be there for her like she was to me, but I know that has to be her decision.

    They say time heals all wounds, but these just keep getting worse. And she knows nothing about this. I never told her. I have never wanted to come off as a needy baby who needs her affection. I have never wanted to suffocate her with all this. But meeting her saved my life. She gave me the motivation and courage to live my life for me. But one thing that really hurts, is that I think she never really gave a rat's ass about me. I dunno :unsure:. And she does have a new boyfriend now, in case y'all are wondering.

    I know a part of me will always love her. I just hope that she finds happiness herself.

    And about that part about this not being too long? I guess I lied. Sorry 'bout that. I get to writing, and everything starts to come out. :blink:
  2. shefallsasleep

    shefallsasleep Well-Known Member

    I am here for exactkey the same reason, I definatley know what you mean about little memories like seeing photos etc. And I'm finding its getting worse over time too, at the moment he seems to be in all my dreams like even if I try an not think about him he just won't get out of my head, try be strong even though its hard xx
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I know exactly how you feel. It's been almost two years since my angel broke things off with me. I am still not over her. Whenever I cry, whether it was about her or not, she ALWAYS comes into my head as I remember that she used to be there to comfort me. I've had other girlfriends since but I don't know if I'll ever get over that one girl.
    I think everyone's got that one person they'll never get over. Focus on your music, and get rid of the photos hah they will drive ya crazy!

  4. Vangelis

    Vangelis Well-Known Member

    People change, and it sucks majorly that you're not a part of that change and she severs ties with you. I always thought that people broke apart from you because they couldn't deal with you anymore because of your problems, people need happiness too and sometimes they go through great lengths to find it including hurting the ones that has always been there for them. One thing is though, you loved her enough to accept she has moved on, but you still haven't. Time does heal though and it helps to get rid of pictures and other things that remind you of her. Everyone does meet their partner in life eventually, I mean a real partner, not someone you met in HS or college.
  5. omgpop

    omgpop Well-Known Member

    but what if that real partner was someone you met in highschool or college?