Heartache

[starlight2006]

I wasnt really sure where to stick this. Im not depressed, jus down and hurting. And im not suicidal so didnt wana put it in there. Im jus hurting so bad again. My ex has got a loan to buy a car. She is paying it back over 4 years. It hurts because she didnt wana move to be with me because she was worried about money. I could never get her to save enough, even tho im a student and saved everythig i could. And now she is getting a loan? And the other thing is that she wanted to go travelling. My priority was always for us to live together as we had been long distance for 2 + years. I thought we cud see the world thro holidays and things. but at least we wud be stable in a home of our own together. being with each other everyday. the things i thought we both dreamed of. But now she is tied for four years with a loan. I know she wasnt ready to move, but when we split she said that us living together was wat i wanted and that wat she wanted was to go travelling. but now she isnt gona go for at least 4 years. i jus dont understand. how i cud i have ever been the one. she told me thousands of times that i was. But how could i have been if she can settle now with a car, but not me?

Am i a bitch for feeling hurt? i dont know anymore.

 

[Allo..]

You're not a bitch for feeling hurt, I can understand where you're coming from. Perhaps you wern't righ for here like you say, and perhaps she started to realise that and graduly moved on.. Only she knows the answer's to the questions you hold about her, like why, and how, and all that jazz. You should ask.

Take care hun,
Ally _%

 

[starlight2006]

I do ask her, but she never gives me an answer - jus ends up saying things like 'because im scum'. I can never get a real answer from her. I've been waiting 6 months to answers for other questions, but more things happen that hurt, and i never get answers. And then she will say ' I cant deal with this right now' but she keeps on saying it. I jus dont know what to do. She treats me so bad but i cant stop being in contact with her. Which is wat she wants. i jus cant get the message thro to my thick head.

 

[starlight2006]

Now she is telling me how her goal was to go travelling before 30 and that she wasnt ready to settle down. But she was always going on aout it - like saying wat things we wanted in our house. She even sed she had planned our wedding and stuff. i dont understand. if she wasnt ready, y do all that? unless she lied

 

[starlight2006]

not that anyone can be bothered to read this anymore