Heartbreak and SH poem cant think of a title (poss trigger)

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by corang, Nov 1, 2009.

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  1. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    With each beat the pain will double
    But it shall persist forever
    Why wont it just crumble and leave a pile of rubble
    Why would you take this endeavor
    Try to find the love of your life
    All I have left is memories of a better time
    Knowing it would end in mental strife
    If only I didn’t commit such a crime
    Maybe she wouldn’t have left you
    It was my own fault
    All our actions were such taboo
    My stupidity left me in an emotional vault
    Tears flow freely from my eye
    The end could have been worse
    Yet it still makes me cry
    I should have known her love would disperse
    Now I sit cold and broken
    Sitting in my home of sadness
    Her name hurts to be spoken
    I slowly slip into madness
    Mind shutting down
    I have no sanity
    I yell with a frown
    Every profanity
    Crawling into my hole
    Where none can follow
    I have no goal
    My body is a shell, hollow
    This wont have a story book ending
    Fate is so unkind
    My souls final home is pending
    Through pain I shall find
    My only relief
    The scars grow bigger
    Lessening the grief
    I harm with more vigor
    My body covered in cuts
    They make me get “help”
    Why? Humans has harmed since we lived in huts
    In the ambulance I yelp
    Hospitalized for eternity
    Never to leave
    We gather like a fraternity
    To grieve
    For the lives we once enjoyed
    Now gone
    That we ourselves destroyed
    I feel like such a pawn
    There will never be a reason why
    I will surrender to your advice
    To change myself id rather die
    I will make the greatest sacrifice

    The last 4 lines were from a song was weird right at the end it played and i figured it fit pretty good. This is an average at best poem in my opinion i used to be able to write great but that seems to have just left me and i got rid of my notebook of good poems.
     
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    There was a part in the middle there were it was just flowing beautifully.

    Sitting in my home of sadness
    Her name hurts to be spoken
    I slowly slip into madness
    Mind shutting down
    I have no sanity
    I yell with a frown
    Every profanity
    Crawling into my hole
    Where none can follow
    I have no goal
    My body is a shell, hollow
    This wont have a story book ending
    Fate is so unkind
    My souls final home is pending
    Through pain I shall find
    My only relief
    The scars grow bigger
    Lessening the grief
    I harm with more vigor
    My body covered in cuts
    They make me get “help”


    I liked it! Two thumbs up from me Justin!
     
  3. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I also like "we gather like a fraternity to grieve for the lives we once enjoyed", nice use of words.
     
  4. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    Thanks Linds poetry is one of the few things that keeps me sane glad other people like what I write too. :)
     
  5. I need help

    I need help Well-Known Member

    I agree with Linds about that part!! :)
    I like it when guys show their emotions...i think its important to show how you feel...and most guys dont do it for some reason!!

    Poetry really is good for releasing stress...I think....it helps....Sometimes its as if i'm actually telling the person I wrote about what i really feel..even though i really am not(duhh! :p )..its therapeutic!
     
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