I'm beginning to think I'm supposed to be alone. Seriously. I put my feelings out there for this guy a few years ago, and what scared him off was the fact that I was still a virgin (yes, I was a college woman, 22, and a virgin when I graduated). Got shot down for a girl he met at a bar...he was the only man I really ever loved. We didn't talk for a year. When he started talking to me again I felt really good, but there was one big complication, he was engaged to that girl. I told him I would wait out that relationship because it wasn't right. And I was right, that relationship fell apart. However, she was pregnant...more complications... So here in the last month or so I thought things were great, I haven't been that happy in a really long time...and I haven't had any suicidal thoughts in about a year... Well, I was being dumb. He and I discussed the baby topic and I told him I was okay with him having a child with another woman, it was a fact of life that I had accepted. And he kept telling me how happy I made him and how being with me felt right...marriage, children, etc... I should have known that was too good to be true, he stopped talking to me again two weeks ago. When he broke my heart for the first time, I went out and became a booty call...because I felt like that's all I was good for. I never felt that bad in my entire life. I know not to let a man define who I am, I wasn't letting him define me, I just felt like my feelings were taken advantage of, that I was tricked and I had become a joke. I swore I wouldn't be someone's booty, I'm think I'm worth more than just sex. The last time I spoke to him and saw him was 2 weeks ago when I spent the night with him...I know now that all I was to him was some booty...makes you feel like you're not worth being loved. I bought a baby gift for him and a birthday gift for him...both of which have been ignored. Drives me crazy, he brings me in real close to get what he wants and then throws me out like trash. Unrequited love is the worst ever. Ever watch the first 20 minutes of "The Holiday?" Well that's kind of how my "relationship" was...including the hard crying lol But it's my own fault for trusting him again and letting him back in. I seriously give up on relationships, I'd much rather spend my life alone than let someone in again because I'm not strong enough to take another blow like this...I'm barely managing as is, it's a struggle everyday to get out of bed. I've even fallen back into some old really bad habits...i.e. addictions to pain killers... I think we all deserve happiness, and I don't think it's asking for much when we ask to be happy.