Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by EmmyLou, Jun 11, 2008.

  1. EmmyLou

    EmmyLou New Member

    Hey there, im new to this so thought id give it a go. So here we are...

    I am 18yrs old, and lead a very normal, happy life for as long as I can remeber. I had a boyfriend of 2years and he was not only a boyfriend but a best friend as I had known him for a very long time. Due to circumstances I broke off the relationship for silly reasons, although I did think we would get back together eventually. We had split up for about a month and we both got new "partners" although it was more of a rebound thing for both of us, a way of getting back at each other (as childish as it is) after the split my ex got very depressed and started drinking a lot this made him very unpredictable. I still spoke to him everyday and seen him everyday. He repeatedly told me how much he loved me but also showed hate towards me, he then took an overdose but was found. Docs refused to to section him, even though he showed signs of phsycotic behaviour. Then one night he was rather weird on MSN whilst talking to him, I went to bed and the next thing I knew my mum woke me up and told me he was dead. He had commited suicide, he hung himself.

    There is a lot of speculation about whether there was someone there with him etc. He sent me an email in the form of diary enteries. They were very mixed up. They went from violent to saying how much he loved me. The top and bottom of it was that he could not carry on without me and he did not want to physically hurt me so he took his own life so as not 2 harm mine. Not only this but he had a difficult childhood with his parents bickering and his mother telling him things a child should not know.

    I am absolutly heartbroken, I am getting blamed for this. And I love him and miss him so much. Its so hard to see the light of the tunnel anymore. He was my life, and for him to go in such a horrible way is distressing. I think about him every second of everyday. He was my baby, and I loved him deeply. I cant even bare to think about the fact that he is gone. The pain is just far 2 much for me I cant cope anymore. All I can think about is him.

    Thanks in advance for any replys x
  2. Issaccs

    Issaccs Well-Known Member

    At the end of the day love it sounds like the psychological issues were already there before you dumped him and they only surfaced after, something stressful in his life could have triggered this just as easily and you are not to blame.
    If anyones at fault its the doctors who didn't take the right precautions with him but even then, they're only human and its not difficult for people to lie and convince doctors that they're in a good state of mental health.

    I hope you can grieve properly and move on with your life.
  3. GaiaMischief

    GaiaMischief Well-Known Member

    I agree with Ivan..a combination of the parents not properly looking out for their child and the doctors not properly assessing him is more at fault than anything. You absolutely should not blame yourself for his death.

    But I am still so sorry for your loss. Hearing about tragedies like this kills me inside....I can't imagine what you are feeling. We're all here for you.
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    there is nothing anyone can say to make what has happened any better, sometimes love can be the greatest of feelings and the worst.

    all i can say is that this is nothing for you to feel guilty about, the desicion was his and his alone.
    i know you are suffering and in pain but dont blame yourself over this hun.

    remember him as he was
  5. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I don't think you should blame the parents. As a parent of a child who did a similar thing, you shouldn't be blaming us. No one is responsible for someone else's behaviour. What would you think if the parents were to read this, don't you think they blame themselves enough.
  6. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hi Hun,

    Sorry to hear about your loss :hug:

    I agree that the problems your ex had were probably there for a while & perhaps the stress of the break up acted as a trigger.

    It's important not to blame yourself chick. You say his emails were very mixed up, this shows you what his mental state of mind was like, you couldn't have prevented this from happening :hug:

    It's good to remember the good times that you had & not dwell on the bad ones :hug:

    Claire xx