Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by conn, Oct 2, 2007.

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  1. conn

    conn Member

    i dont know if this is the right part onhere to write in, but i cant think clearly enough to think much at all anymore.

    well, im suicidal, well i seem to keep shouting at myself in my mind all the time to go kill myself, in a "go on, do it now, nobody will care, your just doing everyone a favour by doing this" kind of voice. and im inclined to believe it.

    well, as far as i can see my life is a mess, and all i can do within it is to mess it up more. roughly putting some sense and order into how this comes, im the type of person that tries to be the kindest person in the world, ill do anything for my friends if they want, my aim in life is to see them all grow up happy. the problem is that they dont seem to think the same about me, theyre all just take what they want, then when theyre done thats it, the end for them as far as theyre concerned. there is no "hey lets go check if hes ok" (he refering to me here), its just them and theyre happy. yea, im happy for them, but i feel so much like theyre just taking the p*** now and they dont actaully care as long as they have what they want

    i also run and host my best friends boyfriends website on my computer, the only problem is when things go wrong, hes just down my throat and everything like "ffs fatty you stupid asshole your crap" which basically brings me to tears staright away (well its put me in them just thinking about it), this is also where i reckon most of the suicidal feelings come from.i just cant take it any more, im starting to crack. also things like family and work is just putting pressure on me so it seems im doing stuff 24/7 and i cant actually get anything useful done for myself cos im just stressed and wound up all the time its just, well i cant describe it.

    all this has made me basically stop sleeping at all. at night i just lay awake, unable to sleep and hear them shout at me. ive been like this for probabily a year now, which has been a year of hell, i actually tried commiting suicide multiple times over this time, even on my birthday which just shows how much this is getting to me. ive tried getting help of my best friend, but i seem to have just pushed them away from me so much that i cant talk to them without them thinking ":rolleyes: oh here we go again" which just makes me feel worse. when we did talk about it once, they said to try and get some help, but im unable to do something like because im just so miserable and whenever im doing something for me i feel guilty because im not doing something for my friends. also, im too scared to do anything about this incase they turn around and laugh at me, its not a nice feeling

    can somebody help me before i crack and do commit suicide successfully, i just cant take my life anymore
  2. twilightki

    twilightki Well-Known Member

    Theres people that care, trust me, there always is.

    Your best friends boyfriend's website....if you can, stop running it. Tell him, "I don't feel like/have the energy/resources/etc to run your site anymore, I'm going to have to stop.". This may bring on more stress and bad feelings than one of the times where he gets mad at you for the site not running well, but it will be only that one time. Once it's done it's done, you don't have to deal with that anymore.

    As for the sleep, have you ever listened to any meditation tapes, such as Kelly Howell/Brain Sync? Trust me, they help. I have that same problem from time to time. It's almost impossible to sleep when you're stressed, and worried about the next day. But the guided meditation puts you into a state where you're happy, or at the very least, relaxed. After it's finished you should be able to slip into sleep as long as you don't bring those problems up in your mind again. Being relaxed, they shouldn't come up unless you think about them, just keep your mind blank, or what I do, is think about the meditation, where it brought me in my mind, and Kelly Howell's loving voice.

    I also listen to stuff by Liquid Mind if you can find any of their CD's. Liquid mind is an ambient meditation kind of thing. It's beautiful. This is my personal favorite, Wrap Me In Your Love. No vocals or anything like that, just ambient, uplifting, music.


    Stop worrying about your friends, it's not selfish to focus on your self from time to time.
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