Discussion in 'Welcome' started by thatonegirl, May 18, 2011.

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  1. thatonegirl

    thatonegirl Member

    Warning: Today is not a good day. :\

    I'm awful at forums. I have a lot of anxiety issues, diagnosed and all, and I have problems keeping things (appts, friends, up, in a good head space, etc). My mom passed away from cancer last fall. I had problems before, but I feel like everything is spiraling even more now that I don't have my best friend around. Part of me wants to get help (even though I know I can't afford it) because the other part of me wants to give up. Everything.

    I'm a super senior in college. Working on my final paper and all. Can't focus worth a crap (shocker) and was rifling through PostSecret and found a post that made me think there were suicide help forums. It never occurred to me before to seek out a forum. Which, now that I've found this one, makes me feel a lil dumb.

    I have "friends"... I say that in quotes because there are so many things I can't tell them. I can't tell them how sad I am... all the time, that they can't help me, and I know that in my silence I am losing them slowly but surely. I'm crazy afraid that someone will find out about this... but at the same time, I know they won't. (did I mention I'm a little paranoid?) I play online mmorpg's just to distract myself from how lonely and sad I am all the time. It works some of the time. (that in and of itself is kind of sad, isn't it?)

    Some days are better than others... today is not most days. Today, I want to disappear into a psych ward. Be locked up and die quickly.

    Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...so glad you found us...getting help might be something you work towards by talking to others and finding out how to get services at reduced cost and what to expect/ask for...for many ppl, it is the support and guidance that gets them through...are there services at your university that you might be able to get? that might be the first place to start...-please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing...big hugs and welcome again, J
  3. thatonegirl

    thatonegirl Member

    Yeaaaaaahhhhhhh... I've kind of burned a lot of bridges with my school psychological services. :\ I went... missed a meeting, rescheduled, missed that one... rescheduled, had to cancel... and then couldn't go back. I have a problem if I'm going to be late, I can't even show up. Like, I'll sit in my car. I won't want to walk in late and have them look at me like I've disappointed them or wasted their time (which, I have). They try to be understanding, but at the same time, they have a LOT of students and a lot of people they could be helping while I screw up and freak out. :\ I've been to their counseling on and off several times while I've been at university. At one point, I'd seen all 3 of the main counselors. >.>

    I have anxiety, differing levels of depression, and was molested as a child... and now I'm in my last (FINGERS CROSSED) semester, so I can't actually go to them because I don't have enough credit hours to use their services. (which, they're usually pretty good about that too... but I can't imagine their level of leeway stretches that far...) I can only talk about some of those things in person... I'm still at that early of a level. :\

    Did I mention I'm also a Psychology student? XD
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi if going into hospital for a stay help you then do it. Get you stable ok get some support set up in the community while in hospital So you are a psychology student everyone can get depression anxiety i am in the medical field as well and i reach out. Psychiatrist doctors all need help at one time or another. You do what is right for YOU okay if you can go into hospital get stable and see what supports they can set you up with for after care.
    Nice to have you reaching out here hun hugs to you
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum, im glad you stumbled upon here :) :hug:
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