Warning: Today is not a good day. :\ I'm awful at forums. I have a lot of anxiety issues, diagnosed and all, and I have problems keeping things (appts, friends, up, in a good head space, etc). My mom passed away from cancer last fall. I had problems before, but I feel like everything is spiraling even more now that I don't have my best friend around. Part of me wants to get help (even though I know I can't afford it) because the other part of me wants to give up. Everything. I'm a super senior in college. Working on my final paper and all. Can't focus worth a crap (shocker) and was rifling through PostSecret and found a post that made me think there were suicide help forums. It never occurred to me before to seek out a forum. Which, now that I've found this one, makes me feel a lil dumb. I have "friends"... I say that in quotes because there are so many things I can't tell them. I can't tell them how sad I am... all the time, that they can't help me, and I know that in my silence I am losing them slowly but surely. I'm crazy afraid that someone will find out about this... but at the same time, I know they won't. (did I mention I'm a little paranoid?) I play online mmorpg's just to distract myself from how lonely and sad I am all the time. It works some of the time. (that in and of itself is kind of sad, isn't it?) Some days are better than others... today is not most days. Today, I want to disappear into a psych ward. Be locked up and die quickly. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.