heh heh heh

[smackh2o]

Can't wait to lose it. All that empowerment. This is a very lonely life for me and thee and all you need is one ping or a spark and bam. A beautiful firework encapsulated in a rainbow.
I could tell you something now and it would do you no favours. If it's the truth or not is beyond me but damn it still plays. Still, I doubt you deserve to know it yet, in a good way not a bad.
Ever felt like cutting all the ties? It can be such a liberating experience and so painful. A bit like putting your hand in a fire and having a good old giggle about it.
Some things will never change and some things will never die. I'm proving a point to myself that I am one of them, reluctantly.

 

[noplacetogo]

Yeah, some things never change, but some things do. I think I've spent most of my life cutting ties, and it's both those things, liberating and so very painful. But now I think I've learned that cutting ties isn't the right answer. I'm still not sure what is, but perhaps the best thing to do when you feel like running away is to just take some time by yourself. It's always easier to just cut everyone out, but when that day comes when you realize you're completely alone, it's a thousand times harder to return.

 

[smackh2o]

I'm not at all well anymore and it is just the same as last time. You remember last time don't you?
I'm getting confused and bitter and wacky. Manic now. There was this guy at the pub and I pulled him a pint of mild and he was complaining because the head wasnt big enough (on one of the flattest drinks available). Started muttering (fucks sake) under his breath. It took a lot of strength to restrain myself because that has what has changed since last time. Last time I wouldnt have had the guts to say anything. This time I said "it's a crying shame but it happens".
I wanted to say, "well fuck off somewhere else you stupid stinking cretin before I bowl you out of the fucking door by ramming my foot so far up your putrid crevice you'll be tasting shoe polish for a week".

Do you know what the big problem is. A lot of people would kind of see that as normal, maybe a bit overreactive. But it's been four hours and I still would like to see him choke on his next beer.

If this puts yal off then maybe my plan has worked. Or maybe i'm going to go and stare at the ceiling again all night because I feel so lonely it makes me sick. And i'm not even lonely, I have many people to talk to. So what's the problem? Maybe the problem isn't a thing apart from me. Maybe i've developed to become the problem.
Shut the fuck up pete.

 

[~PinkElephants~]

Petey :hug:

Being pissed off four hours later isn't bad. I get like that at times. I told you before that the mania should get checked out b/c it isn't healthy.

You know I'm on msn anytime you want to vent or just bullshit :hug:

 

[smackh2o]

No, I mean I would enjoy seeing him choke on his next beer. Literally. And it's the day after now and I still would enjoy it.

 

[~PinkElephants~]

Honestly petey...so would I. If someone would treat me like that over something as so trivial as a beer I'd like to see him choke on it too. You aren't awful or wrong for feeling that. I would somehow feel vidincated if he did choke.