Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Spearmint, Sep 24, 2008.

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  1. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Um, possible trigger, duh.

    You know, once I make one, I can't stop obsessing about making more. All I think about is doing it again. And once I make one, it is so, SO, easy to continue making more. I don't even do this out of sadness anymore. More like boredom, apathy, self-hatred, just needing to feel something. Like drugs, but cheaper. I dream about it a lot for some reason..Like, disgusting dreams, huge cuts everywhere, blood, feeling my life drain away, but never actually dying. I don't really understand my compulsion with it, and I don't understand why I do it so badly. I can't do those little ones anymore, they make me anxious for some reason. I need to do big ones, stiches worthy, but then I hardly ever get stiches. In the three years I've been doing this, I've gotten them maybe twice. Which is bad, because it scars a lot more. But hey, one more scar isn't going to make a difference anyway.

    Anyone else ever feel like this?
  2. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    i used to. i wish you could find something, something worth stopping for. a pact with a friend. someone you care about. something you care about. or even just for yourself. and stop. stop and don't ever start again. its a compulsion. an addiction. we let it control and consume us. i wish you freedom. i wish you liberation. i wish you escape from cutting. :hug:
  3. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    I have a hard time speakin' 'bout it, but I do feel like this sometimes. Won't elaborate.

    Will just send you bunches and bunches and bunches o' hugs and an ear if you need it! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Come on Jess. Cutting yourself will only cause more scars. It won't accomplish anything. Maybe you can do something more profitable with your time instead? Maybe a hobby or exercising?
  5. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Please do not respond to any of my posts, since you clearly can't comprehend self injury. I do exercise, I go running at least twice a week. And I have plenty of hobbies. I do everything I possibly can to avoid cutting myself, and I wind up doing it anyway. So I do NOT need your condescending replies, thank you.

    Abyss; Thank you for your kind words. :hug:
    Raemond; Thanks, face, I'm around if you need an ear too. :hug:
  6. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    anytime. :hug:
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