I've never had sex, never kissed a girl sober (all 6 in my 22 year life were random drunk at bars, far less than how many times I've gone), got bullied, ridiculed, and even sexually assaulted when I was a kid, and had aspergers so I never got to learn the social skills I needed to be socially successful. I'm now a junior in college and most people in my frat don't like me, I have been in trouble with them for excessive drinking and being a "creep" to girls, altho I've never been accused of anything specific. I've tried to change, and largely have done so, but sometimes it feels you cannot change what other people think "who you are." My only "friends" here in the true sense of the word is these two kids who use me for things, and me, having wanted people I could open up and share with, told them too much about myself. They didn't invite me anywhere tonight, they're a grade lower on the other campus. People are fake and superficial here, the only things people like are sports and current popular culture. I used to play sports in HS (only to become "cool" and get girls) and am currently trying to catch up, and I like some current popular culture, but never got into shows like Lost, Entourage, etc. which everyone else watches. I haven't seen The Hangover either. I watched more movies when I was younger, but without many friends to hang out with, I will not go alone. I've seen a few new movies, but most of the ones I like are from before 2004-5ish. I'm into politics, world events, music, but at my school those things are almost socially "weird." Thing is I cannot transfer because I have way too many credits to do so, and it would cost a ton of money. Given my height and the fact I'm white with black hair, my Jewishness is not easy to hide, so I don't bother anymore. All I want is to lose my v-card, be loved, cuddle, kiss, etc. I at least want a one night stand to be validated and mean something in life. I will never pay for sex, because having tried paying for certain things, I can say that it feels like nothing but a product. You pay for plastic, iron, metal, but not human skin. I don't have a group of friends at home, and I don't have a clique here. Its very cliquey here. I have like 2-4 girl-friends scattered around campus, but thats it. My life is worthless. I feel like gathering the courage to end my life already. I have improved my girl skills, like at this seminar class I took, but it was only for two weeks. I'm now back at school. What can I do?