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Hej (trigger)

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Viro, May 23, 2010.

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  1. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Hello, everybody..
    I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with this. I've been thinking about going online for help for a long time now, and I finally did. So I'm here.

    I feel as if I should explain how I came to be here (this point in my life, not the forum, that was Google's doing)
    You may find this upsetting. I know I do...

    Things went okay for the first few years of my life. Then, it all came crashing down when my older brother decided that life was too much for him, and killed himself. At the time, I didn't really know what had happened, but I did know that my big sister wasn't comoing back. After that, my family sort of fell apart. My brother overdosed, my sister was diagnosed as schizophrenic.

    I handled this by becoming smart. I amazed everybody that I met. I was the perfect student, but I felt like I was putting on an act for the benefit of those around me. By sixth grade, I was completely burnt out, and beginning to think of ending my own life. Before I entered high school, I had failed to follow through with my plans twice.

    In high school, I came alive for the first time in my life. I felt free, and, for the most part, happy. That lasted about two years, until I finally began to get the creeping feeling that there was something wrong with me. I slipped back into depression, and developed an eating disorder which I have just overcome. Tomorrow, I've gone 7 weeks without starving myself.

    Eight months later, I began to accept the truth: I am a homosexual. The only people who know this are my parents and a close friend of mine.

    Thank you for reading this. I've always had a tendency to write long posts. Hell, instead of a suicide note, I wrote a 180 page journal to explain where I was coming from.

    :i'm sorry:
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome.
    First of all that was hardly a long post and frankly your story is not that uncommon for this place.
    Glad you jumped right in and hope you find the love and support I have found here, I am sure you will if you stick around!
    Feel free to PM me anytime, I am often on or near by
    BTW if you are using your real name I suggest you put in for a name change as it is best to remain somewhat anonymous on the web.
  3. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Bambi. Adam Kadmon is a pseudonym that I rarely use. Almost nobody calls me by my birth name, instead forming a compound name by combining famous people from history. For obvious reasons, I'm not posting it here, but it is quite different from Adam5
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Gotcha...Bambi is my real life nickname but not my real name so can relate...how you feeling?
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I'm pretty cagey right now. My two best friends have left for the 4 day weekend, and I'm still stuck here. The weather's taken a turn for the worse, so I can't even head out for a decent walk (my favourite pasttime)

    Listening to the hockey game while I browse, even though I don't care at all who wins. I usually cheer for whatever team is losing the series, but there are so many Chicago players from around here. One of them even lived two streets away from me, so even though they kicked the Canucks out, I still like them.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums Adam!! Plenty of support here and no one judges you!!Take Care!!
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forums. I am wondering if you and/or your family have received any support forthe issues from your sister's illness and the death of your brother. Those are not easy things to cope with on your own. I am glad you decided to join the forum and seek out forms of support. I am sure you will find some amongst our membership. :hug:
  8. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Thank you.

    I did go in to see someone afterwards, but it didn't do me a lot of good, I don't think. I'm still not sure of how much it helps, and am currently between psychs
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