I have to wonder everyday why I'm in the position I am now. I still can't come up with anything. I feel empty like I've lived half my life and accomplished nothing. Like I've lived so long and had so many chances and missed or ruined them all. I'm 17, people say I haven't and I'm just starting but I don't feel that way. I guess in my belief you have to start out strong and work at it from the beginning and I've done nothing like that. I've lost a huge part of my life. I've missed out on the part of my life I'm supposed to be able to look back on and miss. I've learned nothing from it and I think I have no self sufficiency. I'm nearly an adult and I don't think I could make it alone. I have no idea what to do and nobody to help me. I have nothing to start from now. No high school diploma, no friends, no nearby family (besides my mother), whom/that I can rely on. I'm becoming a heavier burden on my mother everyday and I want to take that off her. I'm just have no clue how to start life. Sounds stupid I guess but after all the stupid things I've done I have no trust in myself to do the right things. I just wish I had somebody to help me but I don't. I've had so many chances in real life to ask someone to help me but I denied myself the words to ask for it and I still do. I feel close to feeling better I think and the words that could do it are "Help me." but... it's ridiculous that it's near impossible for me... how do you ask for help? To someone face to face? I don't think I've ever done it.