Hell can't be that bad

[Brikka]

if being on earth is this bad. every waking moment feels horrible. i never thought that this would be what destroyed me. i don't function at all. because i don't care. i don't care enough to shower, feed myself, do anything that suggests that i am going to stay alive. i so desperately want my life to be over. it is so unbelievably unfair that i stay alive for my parents. i hate it when i read that suicide is a solution to a temporary problem. what if your problem isn't temporary? what if your depression and suicidal thoughts are like cancer and it slowly eats away at you? i have been on so many damn medications, in the hospital numerous times, therapist after therapist and no one/nothing can convince me that this is going to get better. so i make it through each day. and then the next day comes. and my suicidal thoughts continue day after day, month after month and year after year. i'm not really living anymore, i haven't in a long time. i feel so incredibly alone...it hurts, almost even physically. and then if i go out and do something it is like i am a bystander...one foot is on the side of life and the other is on the side of death...it sounds dramatic, but it is me at my most sincere.

i just wonder when i am going to get up the courage to do what i need to do.

 

[tainted-angel]

:console:

I cant really say anything cuz then id be a hypocrite....

Just wanted to let ya no im thinkin off you....
x

 

[Terry]

Have felt like this for weeks.
Was told hell was an absence of God...I'd fit right in then :sad:

 

[Brikka]

tainted angel - thank you for your honesty and your support

terry - who told you that hell was an absence of God? one day of feeling like this is too much

honestly if hell exists i am not afraid to go to it...i guess things could always be worse but still feeling like this it seems like there is nothing worse...what can be worse than being tormented by my head day in and day out? please answer me this.

and if God exists then why do I pray all the time and get no answer? Only continued suffering...No loving God would let someone suffer like this...this is exactly why I started to lose my faith 14 years ago...

how can depression seem so hopeless? sometimes i look at my circumstances from "outside of myself"...and hey it honestly isn't half bad. physically i am healthy. i am married. i went to college. i have family that loves me. why is that not enough? i feel like you are required to *prove* your suffering...sometimes it just is though...no rhyme or reason for it, it just is. is it that i'm ungrateful? am i a brat?

okay gotta go.