hello all

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by libra, Apr 26, 2014.

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  1. libra

    libra Active Member

    so ive had this account a while and only just in the last few weeks been on it.
    as my recovery hit a brick wall ....

    The sexual abuse i suffered as a child throughout the ages 6 - 12 was not reported by my mother although she had been told, even when she had seen my abuser on the news and in the paper she said nothing.

    It is only now that i was at particular stage that she has been backed into a corner to finally answer my questions, as i am now in my 20's with 2 children.

    When she found out she confronted the man who she claimed had been very convincing at the time i cant help but think that if my child or children had approached me i would take their word for it, how else would children of that age know in so much detail about things.

    but despite being told, she had us move address and not talk about him, all i knew is that he was a pedophile i didnt even know what it meant.

    So as i had his landline telephone number memorized i rang him and told him. he told me she was a liar and that was disgusting.

    I finally had the courage to contact my mom today to ask her about it. she denied knowing about it even when i mentioned times when she'd said things about him to me in a rage. she told me the first she knew about it was 2008 when he was sentanced and saw it in the media, i know this isnt the truth and i know that it may be difficult to talk about but i feel like im not getting answers. she sent me to live with him as i was a difficult child and as she told me today 'i put her through alot' i must have been a nightmare to be sent off at such a young age although she kept my bro who is 2 years older and my sister who is 1 year younger.
    so now really i have no one to blame it was me and my behaviour that got me into that situation. she says that when i started saying i loved him and was going to get married and move into his house fully when i was 13 thats when she'd had enough, and she realised that he had to much power.

    My head is in a real mess, i feel anxious in need of some support some guidance. i have feelings that i dont know what to do with as ive spent alot of time working on my present and future and havent really started on my past.
    No services available till Monday

    I dont know how to feel towards my mom and cant help but think that if she had of gone to the police a number of other girls wouldnt have been abused
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry your mother did not listen and take action against this creep just know it was NOT YOU ok your behavior or anything it was NOT your fault it was all his doing hugs to you
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Hi Libra, welcome to SF. I do not blame you for feeling that your head is a mess; you have come to the right place for support. We are here to listen so keep talking. It would also be worth talking to your doctor as soon as you are able to - they can point you in the direction of more targeted professional help.

    I understand the inclination to blame yourself for things, but you were not to blame for this. You may never get a straight story from your mother but her lack of a viable explanation does not mean that you are to blame. If he abused you HE is to blame. If she knew about it and did nothing to help you or stop it, then that is HER failing as a mother (and human) not your failing in any way.

    Keep talking and stay safe :hug:
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