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Hello All...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by puddleduck, Jan 17, 2010.

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  1. puddleduck

    puddleduck Member

    My name is Krissy and I am 23 years old. I have been dealing with depression/anxiety issues since age 11 although I did not start getting treatment until I was 16. I’m just so tired because whenever it seems I have a handle on my depression and anxiety, something happens to cause me to spiral backwards again. After having a major depressive episode in 2006/2007, my life has been fairly stable. I returned to school, was receiving excellent grades and even started tutoring. And then the summer hit. My husband started experiencing depression himself due to work and life stress. As a result, he felt I was the cause of all his issues and notified me he wanted a divorce. This sent me spiraling, but since it was the summer and I had nothing keeping me at my current location, I moved back in with my parents. I also started seeing my social worker who I’ve been seeing since I was 16 and even though I was sad, I did not really have suicidal thoughts. Eventually my husband decided he wanted to try to work things out and since I love him, I of course agreed. I tried to get him to come to counseling with me both for our marriage and his own depressive tendencies, but he would fail to show up to the appointments. At the end of the summer, I moved back in with him. Things were going well until he went on a trip for work and then things started spinning out of control again. It’s been an awful rollercoaster since then. Now, he’s looking for an apartment of his own. I feel so alone without my family or my counselor and I am also ashamed that it is happening again. I just don’t want to feel this pain anymore and I have been having increasing thoughts of wanting to just go to sleep and never wake up. I’m just so tired of hurting and so hurt from loving a man who I truly thought would be the father of my children and having him tell me that he is no longer in love with me. People keep telling me that I am young and will move on and have a great life eventually, but that doesn’t get rid of the horrible pain I am in now. I just need some support…So sorry if this is a bit jumbled, I haven’t been getting much sleep at all, as I type I have not gotten any sleep in the past day…
  2. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    hello, welcome to SF, sounds like you have been through an awful lot latelty, does your counselling work? do u like your counsellor, it is important that they are the best one for you, as you are going through a really hard time right now, so you need there support. is your family good support? keep posting, people are listening :hug:
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Krissy welcome to the forums.. Keep posting here.. No one judges you and you can find alot of support here..I won't tell you that you will get over it., but I will tell you that eventually you will learn to live with it..I still love my ex even after everything she did to me..
  4. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Konichiwa Krissy chan! Welcome to SF.
  5. puddleduck

    puddleduck Member

    Thank you all for the warm welcomes. Cownes, I am not currently seeing my counselor and have been dealing with this alone, except for the help of family and friends (although I just hate annoying them with my problem). Sadly, I live in a different state than my family and where I grew up. I love my counselor, but I have a lot of issues regarding putting up a perfect facade and it is hard for me to ask for help again. Stupid, I know, but I don't know if I am ready.
    Stranger1, thank you for your support. How did you deal with the amount of emotional pain? I just cannot see myself moving on. I've delt with break ups before, but when you invest so much in a marriage, trust you spouse so much...what I can't stand is when he asks me why I am crying. He may not be in pain because the love is gone for him, but the love is still there for me, strong as ever and I am hurting...
    Boo, thanks again for the warm welcome.
    Just seeing these messages helped, I just need someone to be there...
  6. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    You and I must make a pact, we must bring salvation back
    Where there is love, I'll be there

    I'll reach out my hand to you, I'll have faith in all you do
    Just call my name and I'll be there

    heheh jackson 5 :D
  7. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum, krissy!

    I feel that I'm in a similar situation, actually...
    I'm 21 and the emotional pain is overwhelming. I cried all day every day for the first 3 months after the breakup with my boyfriend of 7 years.
    He split up with me because he said that I was a different person than I was in highschool-- but I had finally let him in and was being my true self around him... and my true self was not happy and bubbly all the time.
    It feels pretty shitty.
    It's been over 6 months now and I am starting to feel a little better.
    You have to know that you were never the problem!
    Even if he blamed everything on you-- do not blame yourself.
    You'll feel helpless and guilty and sick but just remember that we are here for you if you need to talk and just let everything out.
    It does help.
  8. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF :)
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Krissy,welcome to the forum :hug:
  10. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    hi krissy, sounds like your having a rough time :hug: we can support you here i hope things turn out better for you :hug:
  11. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Welcome to SF. :hug:
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