hello, all

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by space_monkey, Feb 26, 2011.

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  1. space_monkey

    space_monkey Member

    Im feeling like rock bottom at tho moment im 31 and feel like i have tryed and failed at everything i can , i feel as tho ive lost everything , I currenty have no job have lost all the money i had on bad investments ive got several cars /motorbikes that need sorting out dotted around different ppls houses alot of stuff like new tv laptop record collection is all still at my ex's i just cant pick it up or see the point even , ive recently been left by my girlfreind (basically for someone else we barley i know and shes just lied to me soo much about it.) who ive lived with for the last few years, it was her place so ive had to come and stay at my parents now, i prevoiusly sold my house and lost all the money. Ive been into harddance drugs party scene for ages now i cant bare to go out anymore with her being there as its just too much i feel like shes taken all i had left and just destroyed me when i needed her most.
    there is no more try in me. anything i do now is just more of a mess if i go out get drunk im just ridiculas or try socalising with
    I have no will to go on now. ive stopped talking to ppl as theres not much to say about it anymore. nothing ppl im just depressing and damaging my freindships with them, I really dont feel like theres anything left for me to do im not really sure why im posting on here or to what end, its really helping me to pass time atm so thats nice.
    I feel like i should apologise or put sorry at the end i see alot off posts here with that on. I think i feel sorry because i feel like i should be coping and im somehow letting everyone in the entire human race down by not being able too. like some ppl say you just get on with it dont you? cause you have too, well no there comes a time when you cant 'get on with it' as there doesnt appear to be anything to 'get on' with or point to it.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...what has brought on this downward spiral and have you tried to work on these issues? I think there comes a time when we know we need help, and somehow find the bravery to get it...maybe not at the moment, but it is surely a goal worth setting...please continue to post and let us know what is going on for you...welcome again, J
  3. space_monkey

    space_monkey Member

    yes since chrismas ive really been trying to get a new (what i call decent job) after leaving the last one just before november and ive really tried to get my cars/bikes sorted out but whenever anyone else is involved with even moving something or hiring something , i get let down everytime without fail and i try agian and rearrange and some other random company lets me down, i dont understand why or how i feel victimised by this massivley and trapped. Starting to get paraniod about it anyway since i tried to go to a freinds club night with every one there and be freinds with her last friday it didnt go well it hurt so much i used drugs and alcohol for the first time in my life as a coping method rather than recreationally, I realise what im doing. since then ive totally given up. on everything i thought i might be able to go on without her but there is no chance , and shes changed into some massive idiot, i dont even know. whos totally two faced to me and weird ive cut contact totally with her now.
    I used to suffer with depression and massive anxiety from a young age more the anxiety this was on and off untill i got really depressed from about 22-25 and been on ssri's and other things for reletivley short periods at that time but ive just somehow been pretty ok over the last 6 years well i sold the house and had money and possibilities that proberly was making the difference, i have been getting more down about not being seemingly able to get a job where i can feel some self worth or able to sort car related issues out. she says i wore her down untill she just didnt care anymore, she tryed to help me with things and i just snapped at her i really messed it up. im sure i deserved her even tho she was always the most amazing looking & strangley interesting person i ever would hope to meet. i was stupidly more and more losing my ambition and drive and she says its been horrible to watch me torture myself over the last year. I cant do it without her , and i know that me and her are never to be now its been since jan 10th and i cant cope with it anymore. I feel the feeling enlgulfing me constantly and can only sleep for a few hours at a time with nightmeres. im really just waiting this weekend out.
    I was ok before her i think i remeber being happy and on my own that was only 3 years ago. it was 2/3 years before that i met someone who blew me out of my depression we only went out for 6 months or so but she really did show me a different world it was suddenly possible to do things and have fun i saw how with clarity and joined in. but ive lost that and dont even want to try to get it agian now.
  4. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    Hi there, and welcome to SF. I hope that you can find some comfort here.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Space Monkey, welcome to the forum, :hug:
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