Hello and a little about me

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by NeededaName, Feb 24, 2014.

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  1. NeededaName

    NeededaName New Member

    Ok, this is a little new and weird for me. I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible, but I feel like I need to get this all out so sorry for the wall of text. I’m a 22 year old college senior.

    I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Growing up I was also that “weird quiet kid” I’ve always had really bad social anxiety and this has always effected my relationships with others. I just have this fear of interacting with people. Making friends has always been hard for me. It’s kind of cute for kids to be like this, but I’m an adult now and most people aren’t willing to put up with people like me.

    I have an older brother and a twin sister and they are both so much better than me in every way. My older brother is in law school and my twin sister graduated a year early and now she has a great job. They are both good people and good siblings. I love them both very much, but they can be really cruel in the way they talk to me. I don’t think they do it on purpose, but they really hurt my self-esteem. One example of this was in freshman year, my sister and brother both got a letter telling them that they made the “Presidents list” (4.0 for the semester) the next day I got a letter informing me I made the “Deans list” (at least a 3.5 for the semester). They both joked and said I made the “better luck next time list.” I know that they didn’t mean anything by it, but it made it so I couldn’t take pride in my grades.

    I would say the two people who I am closest to are my aunt and my cousin. Growing up my aunt was more or less the mother I never had. I could (and still can) talk to her about anything. My little cousin is the sweetest girl alive and I consider her the little sister I always wanted. Unfortunately I can really only see them once a month because I live at my university and they are a considerable distance away. When I do go visit home I have to spend most of the time with my brother, sister, and dad (I’m not saying this is a bad thing, I just wish there was a way I could also spend time with the rest of my family without feeling like I’m abandoning my immediate family). It also doesn’t help that my sister and brother don’t like my aunt (long story, but typical family stuff)

    Most of the problems I am facing right now stem from my school life and what is going to happen to me after I graduate. Since I was about nine I had this dream of becoming a teacher. It seemed like it would be the perfect occupation for me. I love kids and I love the overall educational setting. For the first two and a half years in college I was relatively happy. I was working my way into getting my degree and I was doing really well in my classes. I was getting a lot of “A’s” and my GPA was also really high. I felt that things were finally started to turn around for me.

    That was of course until I started my first semester of student teaching. It was a nightmare. I know that this expression is used a lot and it has lost much of its meaning, but it truly was a nightmare. I tried really, really hard to make it work, but I guess I just lack the social skills. The teacher told me that I lacked presence and I would never be able to control the group (she said this in a nice “professional” way, but I understood what she meant by it). By the end she gave me a failing grade.

    That was the lowest moment of my life. I felt like I was less than human. I tried so hard, I really did. When I spoke to the my academic advisor she told me that I could try and retake the class and maybe things would be better for me, but I know that there was no point. I thought maybe changing my major to school counseling would be a good idea. Of course in order to get this degree a person needs to attend graduate school. I enrolled in a new program designed specifically for getting a general degree and going into graduate school (this program also made it so I could graduate on time). I also minored in counseling.

    I guess school wise I’m doing ok. I got a 4.0 last semester. However this grade only reflects my ability to perform on tests. In real life I’m useless. I can’t handle social situations… I can’t even handle talking in class. I probably won’t be able to handle graduate school and my degree will be worthless for anything else. Humans are social creatures, we survive in groups. There really isn’t any room for people like me. I’ll never be able to live the life I want and I’ll always be alone. I feel like I’ve missed too much, so many things that I’ll never be able to experiences. I honestly can’t see things getting much better for me… Look at it this way, if I’m like this I’ll never be an effective school counselor. I can’t even deal with my own stupid problems, how am I supposed to help kids who have real problems?

    I guess I just don’t see a future where I can be happy or successful. I’m just a failure.
     
  2. justsomegirl

    justsomegirl Well-Known Member

    First off, nice handle...NeededaName, I like it! Welcome to SF. Don't ever worry about how much you type out to share here; that's what we're all here to do, read posts and support each other. It took gumption to seek out support and you should be proud of yourself for doing so.

    I can tell from your tone how much you love your family but I will caution you not to compare yourself to your siblings (or anyone else for that matter). I spent a long time doing just the same and it hurt me and also affected my relationship with my brother. I have since grown to realize that although there is a lot I admire about him, we both have strengths and weaknesses although they are in different areas. You said you are close to your Aunt and cousin but have difficulty spending time with them. Maybe you could Skype or e-mail video messages while you're at university?

    It sounds like school and your major are really stressful for you right now. I have not ever been a student teacher but I would imagine that more than a few people have to work on the skills it takes to control a bunch of kids. I really admire your finding a way to reroute your major and making the most out of it; I am not sure I would have been able to do the same. Also, I think having problems like social anxiety might make you a very effective counselor for school-aged children because you can really understand some of the social situations and stressers they are experiencing.

    If it's your dream, do anything you can to make it happen. It sounds like you've got passion and drive for being a teacher/counselor and there is not a lot you can't do with determination. Don't ever let anyone (yourself included) make you feel like you don't deserve what you want and are working for. And hey, if you think on it and decide you want to explore a different path, that's fine too. Besides an academic counselor, is there a mental health counselor on campus you can talk to? A university here allows students something like eight free sessions, and maybe that could help you at least figure out where to begin tackling your social anxiety.

    Please keep posting here for comfort and support. I know things are really hard right now but I can see from your writing what an intelligent and kind person you are. Hang in there, things DO get better! :hug:
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I too think you would make a great counselor one that listens and truly understands what it is like to struggle with oneself welcome to SF n ice to meet you
     
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi.Sometimes from our greatest challenges come our greatest gifts. Are you in counselling for the social anxiety/self esteem? So you can get to the root of it and start to heal? If not, I hope you can do that very soon. Sometimes peoples challenges really do become the canvas for the greatest gift. But first comes the counselling. The working on it. I think when you have done the work you would make a great counselor.

    You can help people to understand that just because they have a challenge, this does not in any way make them a failure. But first you would have to find that out for yourself. And you can do that. Really you can. Perhaps your very challenge is your gift waiting to be unwrapped. (Not to sound flowery or anything)

    Perhaps there is a school guidence counselor you can talk with? Someone who can lead you in the right direction. I want to emphasize that you are not a failure. You have a challenge. And to the degree that you work on this challenge, you will become strong and stronger. Because you will have a strength that your siblings do not have. Let me repeat this. You are not a failure. :hug: But you do deserve to get help. I think you sound like a great young woman. I read how you presented your situation. Very articulate and self actualized. I can also feel your good heart. I would not say this if it was not true.

    Glad you are here. Please do keep posting
     
  5. NeededaName

    NeededaName New Member

    Wow thank you all so much for your kind words. This really means a lot to me. I've never really been able to talk about my problems before and it felt nice letting it out and hearing your kind feedback.

    @ justsomegirl: haha thanks I spent about five minutes trying to come up with something "cool" and that was all that came to me.
    Thank you for sharing about your brother. I guess it's just hard not to compare yourself to your siblings. I'll try to learn from your example, I guess the three of us are different people after all. I don't know, it's just so hard not to.
    Skype isn't really an option because I don't own a webcam. I do call them,it's just miss the human interaction.

    Thank you, when my teacher talked to me I was just so devastated. Thinking back to that day makes me sick to my stomach. I'm trying to keep that day in the past. I'm not sure what options there are for mental health counseling on campus. It's something that I never even thought about, but it is something I should look into.

    @ total eclipse: Thank you! It is nice to meet you too. I really hope you are right. I would love to be able to improve the lives of young student's.

    @ flowers:Hello. No, I’ve never really seen anyone for my social anxiety. To be honest I never even thought about talking to anyone. It’s kind of a scary thought to be honest. I’m so used to hiding my problems/thoughts/feelings. I guess I know I should, I just don’t know how. There might be a resource at my school I could look into.
    It doesn’t sound flowery at all. That was really nicely said and I really like that idea. Sometimes it’s just really hard not to feel like a failure. I know you are right, but it’s just hard to get over these feelings.
    I’m actually male lol. But rereading what I wrote I can understand why you thought otherwise.
    Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m glad I’m here too :)
     
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Note to self: change the visual from female to male :) S0 you are a guy ! Well, you sound like a GREAT guy. Seriously.

    You wrote that "its just hard to get over these feelings". I want to offer something to you. From everything I have heard and read, we do not "get over" issues in life. But they can be worked through and healed. I personally think it is very possible for you to work through them. I think the only way to get to the other side of a problem is to walk straight through it.....with some good tech support aka counselor. Ya know the old saying "what we resist persists"? I really think its true. For my own life I wish it was not. But I honestly think it is true.

    for what it is worth, I have a strong feeling that you are going to be a success story. Healing is not quick. But the strength gained by working on and healing a challenge gives a person a strength they could not have had if the challenge had not been there in the first place. Again, really glad you are here. And FYI, I do not say this to everyone. There is something in your words that makes me respond in such a positive way.
     
  7. NeededaName

    NeededaName New Member

    Flowers, that is honestly one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me :)

    Thank you so much!
     
  8. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I think you have a real gift for communicating with people on a personal level and while large group situations may prove a challenge for some time or perhaps for always, you can still use your education and strengths to be productive and make a difference on a individual or perhaps a small group level. This can be done in counseling or even in education fields. Working in smaller private classrooms or perhaps special education in a pull out class environment. Just an idea , as a self check on yourself maybe you could apply to do some tutoring jobs on any academic level that your back ground has you prepared for, or even for Freshman/sophomore college students. My idea is based on letting you get a better feel for how you will respond to a one on one or close to that environment prior to 2 years more study to find out if that social setting will work for you or not? It may give either additional confidence moving forward (or possibly even confidence to consider a larger group again) or alert you to think more carefully what you look into for grad school if you go that route.

    I also think you have too many skills and have done too well to this point to be a "failure" and that you will find something that you find satisfying and are very successful at in the end.

    - Ben
     
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Hey there NeededaName, welcome to SF. Hmm, the weird quiet kid thing sounds familiar...now I am a weird quiet adult. :p It is hard to interact with people, if you have been shy or socially awkward for a long time. It's a daunting task if you're not used to it. You aren't a failure, I say that because you have already accomplished more than I have, so I know for sure that you aren't a failure. I don't think you'll always be alone, because you seem like a really nice guy. You will find people who understand you, ones you can relate to, it may take some time to find them, but they're out there. Try not to compare yourself to others, because it will just make you feel bad, like you have to live up to unrealistic expectations. Do what makes you happy and do things at your own pace. You don't have to have what your brother, sister, or anyone else has to be successful. I hope being here will be helpful to you. :)
     
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