Ok, this is a little new and weird for me. I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible, but I feel like I need to get this all out so sorry for the wall of text. I’m a 22 year old college senior. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Growing up I was also that “weird quiet kid” I’ve always had really bad social anxiety and this has always effected my relationships with others. I just have this fear of interacting with people. Making friends has always been hard for me. It’s kind of cute for kids to be like this, but I’m an adult now and most people aren’t willing to put up with people like me. I have an older brother and a twin sister and they are both so much better than me in every way. My older brother is in law school and my twin sister graduated a year early and now she has a great job. They are both good people and good siblings. I love them both very much, but they can be really cruel in the way they talk to me. I don’t think they do it on purpose, but they really hurt my self-esteem. One example of this was in freshman year, my sister and brother both got a letter telling them that they made the “Presidents list” (4.0 for the semester) the next day I got a letter informing me I made the “Deans list” (at least a 3.5 for the semester). They both joked and said I made the “better luck next time list.” I know that they didn’t mean anything by it, but it made it so I couldn’t take pride in my grades. I would say the two people who I am closest to are my aunt and my cousin. Growing up my aunt was more or less the mother I never had. I could (and still can) talk to her about anything. My little cousin is the sweetest girl alive and I consider her the little sister I always wanted. Unfortunately I can really only see them once a month because I live at my university and they are a considerable distance away. When I do go visit home I have to spend most of the time with my brother, sister, and dad (I’m not saying this is a bad thing, I just wish there was a way I could also spend time with the rest of my family without feeling like I’m abandoning my immediate family). It also doesn’t help that my sister and brother don’t like my aunt (long story, but typical family stuff) Most of the problems I am facing right now stem from my school life and what is going to happen to me after I graduate. Since I was about nine I had this dream of becoming a teacher. It seemed like it would be the perfect occupation for me. I love kids and I love the overall educational setting. For the first two and a half years in college I was relatively happy. I was working my way into getting my degree and I was doing really well in my classes. I was getting a lot of “A’s” and my GPA was also really high. I felt that things were finally started to turn around for me. That was of course until I started my first semester of student teaching. It was a nightmare. I know that this expression is used a lot and it has lost much of its meaning, but it truly was a nightmare. I tried really, really hard to make it work, but I guess I just lack the social skills. The teacher told me that I lacked presence and I would never be able to control the group (she said this in a nice “professional” way, but I understood what she meant by it). By the end she gave me a failing grade. That was the lowest moment of my life. I felt like I was less than human. I tried so hard, I really did. When I spoke to the my academic advisor she told me that I could try and retake the class and maybe things would be better for me, but I know that there was no point. I thought maybe changing my major to school counseling would be a good idea. Of course in order to get this degree a person needs to attend graduate school. I enrolled in a new program designed specifically for getting a general degree and going into graduate school (this program also made it so I could graduate on time). I also minored in counseling. I guess school wise I’m doing ok. I got a 4.0 last semester. However this grade only reflects my ability to perform on tests. In real life I’m useless. I can’t handle social situations… I can’t even handle talking in class. I probably won’t be able to handle graduate school and my degree will be worthless for anything else. Humans are social creatures, we survive in groups. There really isn’t any room for people like me. I’ll never be able to live the life I want and I’ll always be alone. I feel like I’ve missed too much, so many things that I’ll never be able to experiences. I honestly can’t see things getting much better for me… Look at it this way, if I’m like this I’ll never be an effective school counselor. I can’t even deal with my own stupid problems, how am I supposed to help kids who have real problems? I guess I just don’t see a future where I can be happy or successful. I’m just a failure.