Hello and Goodbye to everyone...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ItsNotTrue, Jul 31, 2009.

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  1. ItsNotTrue

    ItsNotTrue Member

    Hey, I'm a new member today. I joined this forum because I have never felt more depressed in my life than I have these last few months. I basically joined today to tell my story and say goodbye. I don't know if you want to read about my background and why I am so depressed, but I'll tell it anyway as it's my reason for joining.

    I'm 22 years old. Female. I'm living in the UK. 4 years ago I met this guy online. He was from the US and our relationship grew and grew and before I knew it, we were visiting each other and we considered each other 'boyfriend/girlfriend'. We visited each other twice a year but always had to leave each other because we didn't have a visa to remain in each others countries. As you can imagine, it was heartbreaking to part ways.

    4 years later, and we still talk online every day. We talk about our future and wanting to move in together soon. But inside, I know it probably won't happen because the laws for moving to the US are ridiculous. I don't have the requirements needed to work or live there. So I really can't find a way to be with him. He's still attending college and moving to the UK is not an easy option either.

    To shorten the story, I've become so depressed lately thinking that we'll never get to be together. We love each other more than anything so breaking up isn't an option...I wouldn't even be able to move on anyway. Every day I watch other couples having fun together, moving on with their life and it makes me feel so sad and alone that I can't have that. I just want to feel it. But I can't.

    I've been unemployed for months until last week when I was offered a job. It did make me a little happy to finally start making some money for myself, but it is only working at a grocery store..

    I can't find a reason to for working though. What am aiming for? I want to aim to save for a house, a car, a future, but without the love of my life, I can't find a good reason to start earning money.

    I have such a fear of being alone. And that's all I've been feeling lately. I live at home with my parents and brother. But it doesn't help when I see my brother and his girlfriend laughing together and fooling around. I want that so much and it makes me upset the more I see it.

    I just want to die and leave all of this pain behind. Because I really can't see it getting better. I can't do anything to change these feelings, because I can't do anything to change immigration laws.

    I have thought about going to the US and becoming an illegal immigrant, but I'd never be able to work or have health care, or ever visit my family again. My life is so ruined and I honestly can't find any good way to change that.

    If you have read this far, thank you. That's my story, as I'm sure we all have one...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you posted here I don't know the laws about going to states but can he not come to visit you and see if indeed there is a future you too can have together. Can you not get married then come back to states with him I don't know but there has to be a way around all this. I am sorry you are feeling so lonely but keep talking here someone may be able to help okay.
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, ItsNotTrue.

    That sounds very difficult and lonely for you. Especially when you see others in "couples" around you - that probably seems to highlight what you're missing.

    You seem to have become depressed thinking that you'll never endure the time apart until you can get to be together. You don't know that you won't be, it just feels like a hard, long time until it is possible. I really think you have lots of reasons to keep going.

    Reason One

    Offing yourself is one worse than breaking up. It leaves no wiggle room for anything, ever. And, it's not fair to either of you for you to just give up and feel defeated before you've really started. :hug:

    Reason Two

    You were unemployed and now you're working. :smile: Congratulations on finding a job! It doesn't matter "what" you are doing (there is no "only working at a grocery store" because work is work. Especially these days when jobs are scarce everywhere! (Congrats again!)

    Reason Three

    If you off yourself, there's no chance for those things with this young man (or anyone else for that matter).

    It seems that the waiting and finding a way to keep going UNTIL you can be together is the main difficulty. You know what you want, it's just not available right away. You obviously miss him a lot.

    I don't know what the US rules are for immigration. There are probably some jobs you could do that immigration doesn't blink at and that can tide you over, such as babysitting or freelance work of some kind. Also, as mentioned, if you are serious with this young man, you two might decide to marry. That may not give you immediate status to work in the US, but it's a start. Or perhaps, when he is done college, he could move to the UK.

    Maybe you could shift your focus for now to the good possibilities rather than the negative ones. Use the time now to grow yourself and get your own life settled.

    Give yourself (and him) a chance. I'm sure it's hard to have such a long-distance relationship, but keep working towards what you can do and on making every effort to make it possible to be together.

    Keep holding on, hun!

  4. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    hey hun :hug: i'm sorry things are so hard but please stay and talk
    maybe we can help and give you back that reason to stick around :smile:
    long-distance relationships can be incredibly hard, but i'm proof that they can work out if you stick at it - my parents had a 12 year long-distance relationship before they moved in together and got engaged and had my brother and i... so it goes to show it can work. it can be very hard living apart for so long but you have to decide whether it's worth it. it's really not worth dying over - it may not seem like it now but you're life is just beginning and you've just got to take it one step at a time. like this job you've just got, that's great :) and that can lead to even better things, it doesn't mean you have to be without the guy you love hun :hug: you just have to stick it out a bit longer.
    i hope you feel better soon and things work out well :heart:
    triggs xx
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