Hello anyone who will listen

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Iburnvx, Jul 13, 2011.

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  1. Iburnvx

    Iburnvx New Member

    Hello, new here of course. I needed somewhere to go, someplace where people would know what I am feeling, what I am going through. Hopefully this place is it. Briefly about my situation. My wife left me about 2 weeks ago. She will not talk or commicate with me whatsoever. She said she needs her space and time. I am trying to do that but it is so so hard to do. I have not bothered her. Just a text here or there that was more of the business type, bills, house, etc... I do not want to loose her. She is my entire world. I know she and I have slipped away, but this all is a wake up call. I just want the chance to fix our marriage but with her gone it is hard. If I knew she needed 4 weeks then that would be something I could deal with. It is all the unknown though. Will it be four weeks? Four months? Or never? I am lucky that I am surrounded by a few friends and family that has helped me out so much and I have not been alone, by myself since she has left me. But tonight I will be alone. In "our" house alone! I am so scared. I have had thoughts of just ending it all. I mean without my wife, the love of my life I have nothing to live for. NOTHING! My friends have helped me, and have talked to me and well it helps. Now however, I will not have anybody. I am tired of leaning on my friends. I need to do this all alone now. To see if I can make it. Not sure if I can though. I think about things like, should I leave a note or not. Should it be messy like a gun, or clean, with meds. Should I call people and tell them goodbye? These are my thoughts now, when I am around family. How will I be tonight? I only have a few more hours until tonight when I am alone. Hopefully somebody out there can help. Oh yeah, if I make it I have an appointment with a Dr. Next Tuesday to see about getting on meds. Thank you for listening, Mike
  2. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    Hi mike welcome to sf i am glad you found us. You say you don't know how long she wants her own space well then surely until you know for sure it would be better to stay safe. If you can try and get a Dr app sooner. It's great that you have friends that can help but i do understand you don't want to keep putting your troubles on them so here you will find lots of ppl willing to give advice. Also think how it would affect your wife if you were to go through with it,even though you are sperated at the moment it would still hurt her deeply. I hope we can help. :hug:
  3. Iburnvx

    Iburnvx New Member

    Thank you for your response. I just feel so empty without her. And if she left me then she must not care. If she does not care, then why waste my time and keep on living? Maybe if I was gone it would hurt her. Not that I want to hurt her, but if she does not care then maybe she will truly see I ended it all just because of her. I will off the Internet for a bit. I am at my parents and will be leaving for that empty house soon. I will be on here again soon. I will need advice and help to get me through the night.............
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to focus on getting you well okay get you some therapy to help you cope with the seperation Perhaps suggest to her marriage councilling or therapy together to help both of you heal hugs
  5. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi Mike,

    Can you tell us a bit more about your situation? How old are you? Why did your wife leave?

    You love your wife so much. You don’t even know but your wife may even come back…

    It may be very important how you respond to her leaving you. We don't know why she left you but maybe you do...and maybe there is something that you can do to change her mind?

    Like you said, “this all is a wake up call”. Do what you can now. Give your attention to what you want for your relationship and what you can do for it. Take good care of yourself so your wife will be attracted to you again…

    Call your friend or family if it gets simply too difficult to go through tonight. They are your friends or family. They want to be there for you when you need them. They love you to be in their life…

    Things change. How you think and feel also changes. Plus, you will go see a doctor next Tuesday and get help…

    Please hang in there…hugs :hug:
  6. FamilyGuyFan1986

    FamilyGuyFan1986 Active Member

    You need some motivation to keep pushing. Not meds .Everyone says meds. Meds will only make you worst in the long run. Half that crap make things worsts in the end. Look at the side affects. Give her some space, and, while you're doing this, kinda give yourself some self time. Do things you couldn't really do because, you know, that little bit of a loose chain. Can't think of nothing, fill some of the time doing things for other people. Makes you feel good, and keeps you going and going and going. If you wake up feeling suicidal, just say, "Nah, I gotta hit the dollar tree and buy some books for the schools or day cares."

    Visit some other family members you haven't seen in a long time or can't see as much. By the time all this is done, you would have had so much fun, the worry and void would be almost to nothing. Before you go, get her a gift card and kiss then say, "Okay hun, you go that way for a bit and I go this way." After awhile, both of you should have stress and tension released. I think it is that chain that gives the need for freedom once in awhile.
  7. Iburnvx

    Iburnvx New Member

    Thank you all for your help ad advice. She left me bcause...... Well not sure. I have my guesses. But they are only guesses. I am 39 years old. She is 36. When we got together she was a hevy set girl 250 ish. Since then she has had weight loss surgery. She has lost a lot of weight. Down to 160 now. Also I paid for her some plastic surgery. Breast lift and lipo and tummy tuck. She looks very very good. I liked the way she looked before as well though. My theory is that she is getting attention she normally never gotten before now she is wanting to explore her new options. But that's only my theory. I never hit her. Never stayed out at night or drink. I do not smoke or do drugs. I have never cheated on her. I have a good job. So it is so hard not knowing why she left. I know I am not perfect. And I could have been better at my marriage. But I could be so much better now since I know. There is only one thing getting me through this. My ten year old daughter. If not for her..... It would be over. My daughter is from another marriage. Well I got to sleep now. Thanks again all.
  8. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi again, Mike,

    I hope you have had a good sleep…

    It sounds like that she may come back to you…

    Can you reach her and talk to her? Or like FamilyGuyFan suggested, “give her some space” for a while. From what you’ve said about yourself, it’s very possible that she will come back to you after some “free” time. If you can stay strong and do what you can to either welcome her back or get ready to do better when she does come back, it’s far from over…

    Just wondering - is there any issue between your daughter (from anther marriage) and her? Your daughter is entering the teenager period and some things may get complicated. Maybe talking to your wife can be helpful. It may also be helpful if you can have a chance to tell her how you feel that you “could be so much better now“ at your marriage… (How long have you been married if I may ask? Also, does she work?)

    Again, do take very good care of yourself…your own well being is the foundation of everything else... As you know, it's also important for her to feel that you are strong and dependable/stable...

    Wish you well...
  9. m489332

    m489332 Member

    yuck, that sounds so selfish of her it makes my skin crawl.

    I can't blame you for feeling down. At the same time, you have a life to lead with or without her, and your daughter needs you.

    From experience, it is difficult to see beyond the emotions clouding judgement -- especially when hurt in love. I think ending your life probably would make her feel bad, but if she really had sufficient empathy she would not have left you like this. Corollary: it might not make her feel that bad -- your life is worth more than some guilt on her part.

    And what of your daughter? It would be a waste for her to lose you, she would miss you more than you could imagine. Could you imagine the void that you would leave in her heart?

    I feel it might be too early to say this, but if your wife really lacks that amount of empathy towards you ... I think you deserve a lot better. It is sad that people change for the worse sometime.
  10. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Hi. How has your night been?
  11. Iburnvx

    Iburnvx New Member

    Sorry I am just now getting a chance to respond. I have had no internet. (modem got fried). I want to tell you all this. What I said about maybe she left because of her weight loss is only a theory. So I will not judge her for that now. I truly love her so much right now. Her and my daughter did get along very well. At least I think they did. My wife works at the same place I do. I have tried to talk to her, but she will not listen (will not answer my calls or text). The first week that she left I emailed, texted, and called her. Not insanely but some. She told me to stop pushing and back off. So I have done so. But it is getting to the point now that either tell me you want out and let me go, or at least tell me you are really thinking about us trying to work but not sure. This silence is not productive or healthy.

    To tell you all a bit since my last post. I had a very bad day on Sunday. I came so close to ending it all. I have been holding it all in, trying to pretend to be happy. But it all came crashing down Sunday at the end of my work. It was so bad that on the way home from work I pulled my truck over and started crying. I cried so much I could not even hardly see to drive. Then I decided to just go to Hell. To end it all. I was so tired of being drained, empty, depressed, tired, lonely, hurting. I then got a text from a friend i work with. He asked if I was doing okay. Well after that text I thought, I need to at least let somebody know. So i sent him a letter text. letting him know that he was a great friend and he did everything he was supposed to do. That let nobody every forget that I always loved M**** (wife). and to make sure my daughter knows I love her too. your friend, Mike

    Well after he got this my phone rang, it was him, but I ignored it. I had a bottle of pain pills, lid off, and about 30 or so in my hand..... But i knew i could not do this. My daughter was at her moms about 5 miles down the road. So I answered my phone. It was my friend and he demanded I tell him where i was. I finally did and he and our other friend came where i was and we talked on the side of the for about 2 hours. It was a much needed talk. Afterwards I went down the street to get my daughter, then we went home. After this I have not had thoughts like this. I hope I have no others. Like right now i cannot believe anybody would end their life. Not for another person. But when you get in that depressed state it is so different, so hard!!!! My doctors appointment is today at 2. Maybe some good comes out of that. I tell you that one thing that hurts me is that I have NEVER been alone, never. I moved out from my parents house straight in wife my wife and I am 39 and have never been alone. until now. so these 3 weeks has been my hell.
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad your friends are t here for you hun Hang on tight to them okay
    NO ONE is worth taking your life over. She is being very cruel right now and it sounds like this surgery was a part of her change. Medication therapy for the grief and sadness Does work hun it will keep you from going down to far. If your wife will not get therapy with you then you get it for YOU okay. You need someone to help you through this process. A psychologist that deals with seperation would be a great help to you. Your right you focus also on your daughter she will always love you so you are not really alone hun okay remember that
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