I have been having suicidal thoughts for a few months now. I believe that in the near future, I will commit suicide... but not right now. The reason why I wanted to post on this forum is because I guess I wanted closure. When I commit suicide, I will be sorry for my friends and family. I hope that in a few years they can forget about me. I know that my parents love me, and when I think about myself committing suicide I cry. I have a nasty habit of procrastinating... yesterday night I spent hours doing a project that was due tomorrow, but alas; I couldn't finish it. The next morning I asked my dad, " Can I stay home today?" and my dad got all angry and starting hitting me and got a golf club and starting swinging it around ( he didn't hit me with the golf club). I told my dad that I wanted just one day of absence to finish my project but my dad didn't understand. It was MY FAULT for not finishing the project and procrastinating. But if my dad had been more understanding, I wouldn't have felt so suicidal at that moment. When my dad hit me, I started crying and limped towards the kitchen, and right then I felt a strong urge to cut my wrists with the knife and just die... I think the only reason I'm not dead yet is my fear of pain.. I really do not want to die. I want to live and be happy, but these thoughts of death are... comforting. 1.A few months ago, when I used to live in California, I tried to xxxxxxxxxx. But when I got up on the chair and looked down the ground looked so far I got too scared and stopped. 2.After that, I searched <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>, but I never ordered any. 3.I've been constantly having thoughts about death for months and the urge to commit suicide today was so strong..... Thank you for listening, the thought of someone else reading this comforts me.