Hello, Can't seem to find My Rainbow

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by kaceechase, Jun 22, 2008.

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  1. kaceechase

    kaceechase New Member

    My name is Chase and I seem to be unable to find a passion or hope. I pretend Happy very well as it is part of the way I have always survived. I am a Chamelian and seem to be at my best when I am making other people happy and being whatever they need me to be, it gives me a purpose. But when I am alone which is more and more these days I am lost, aimless and scared. I have been in and out of theropy and counseling since i was 13yo and am now 43 so yeah, I have been through the fire. I know the core of my depression, that being I was molested by my uncle when i was 4yo and seem to feel worthless and never finish anything because why bother, blah blah blah. Yes I have thought of suicide many times but for what ever reason I can't seem to find the whatever to do it. so maybe i do have an ounce of hope but it is only enough to keep my head barely above water most of the time. I live in a constant state of fear that someday someone will find out what I know about myself already. I am a fraud and a cheat and a lier and completely selfish and do not trust anyone including myself. Well there you have it. That is my intro here. Not sure what I am looking for or what I expect but I figured why not. It I didn't try this nevermind, That would be against the rules some how I assume so Just know this is one more attempt at salvation , whatever that means.
  2. Isabelle-b

    Isabelle-b New Member

    I'm new to this to. I deal with the inner feelings the exact same way. Most people think i have the perfect life- but i really just go through the motions. I used to dance, i used to write, i used to love being out partying with my friends. It all makes me sick.
    I know there will be no answers, but maybe its just nice to know someone out there feels at least some thread of the pain you do. The silent sufferers.
  3. Angel_Dawn

    Angel_Dawn Well-Known Member

    I think we are all here for similar reasons. I came here when I was at my lowest, people here listen and know what we go through each and every day. We are all one of the same, just when I thought I was alone a whole world of people welcomed me into their little haven. So hang in there honey and remember we are all here because we have been, and still are walking along the same path with you and will be there to help you any time.

  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Yes people here definitely listen. There are lots of caring people here.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. I am glad you found us. :hug:
  6. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    hey chase

    i hope you find what you need here on the forum

  7. amei

    amei Well-Known Member

    Hi :hug:

    welcome to the forum!
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum :hug:
  9. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum
  10. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member


    Welcome to SF.

    I am here if you want to chat feel free to PM me if you want to. Some of what you have writtern sounded like me when I first joined. I hope you find the support you need and are looking for on here.


  11. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF, Chase. I hope you find the support you need here. :hug:
  12. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

  13. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    :welcome: to the forum here. it sounds like you like so many of us really go through it. please feel free to continue to share if you'd like it just might help some. if you want please feel free to pm me, and please please take care
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