Hello. Do we all really want to die?

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Mojam333, Oct 26, 2011.

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  1. Mojam333

    Mojam333 Member

    Often I spend the quiet nights rummaging through the internet looking for answers. Mortality, life, easy and painless ways to kill my self etc.

    There are roughly 800,000,000 websites floating about in cyber space, and do you think I found the answers there? You got it. Nothing. What I did find though, were dozens of forums, like this one, with many people posting stories about their miserable lives and how they would consider committing suicide. After a while, I stopped at this one because it appealed to me for some reason.

    After reading a several of your posts, it struck me. Are we all here because we want to kill ourselves? That is a lot of people to die, don't you think? Like you, I have my own reasons to consider a permanent solution to a temporary problem. We are all fighting demons and dragons and hobgobblins or whatever...

    Often we feel like we are stuck in a room with only three walls. Each wall has a door, and behind each door is a seemingly insurmountable challenge.
    It may be things in your life which have not gone well and you can't see a way out of it, or sometyhing else.

    The fourth side of the floor has no wall. It is an edge. Far below this edge are jagged rocks.

    But here is the kicker. The walls are closing in, making the floor shrink ever so slowly that you can barely see it moving, but you know it is.

    At some point you will realise that you must make your choice. If you choose to do nothing, you will be pushed and fall on the jagged rocks.

    Personally, I am in this room I speak of and I have time, not much, but enough. Suicide is my fall back, my contingency plan. But suicide is not as easy as we may think. We must put a lot of thought into our plan. Put in the hard yards so everything will go just right on the day.

    You see, stats show that for every 25 people who attempt suicide, only 1 will get what they were looking for. It's a tough road for someone with a failed suicide on their resume. That's why you need a plan, a good plan.

    Having said that, nobody should ever kill themselves. It's a miserable business, only the coffin maker gets anything out of it.

    Over the last several years, I have talked about suicide and thought about it and learned as much as I could about it. There a things you must consider before you make a big decision. Moral obligations, physical limitations, the how's and what's and what if's about which method you choose. There are ways to make the experience less excruciating, but you have to do your homework.

    The study of suicide has been so interesting over the years, that in an ironic twist, I enjoyed learning about it so much that I forgot all about killing myself for a while. Distraction saved me, and it could save you. Using drugs, alcohol etc... are not the kind of distractions that will save you. If you are serious about dying, then that road will lead you there.

    Remember, you don't just go to sleep after a violent struggle, and wake up feeling refreshed; you die and that is the end of it.

    Until next time...

    ...keep on smilin' :)
  2. tmostna

    tmostna Active Member

    I enjoyed reading your post as one who has also spent many hours studying the subject of suicide.

    If you get a chance, I recommend this book.

    Whilst it looks gloomy at first glance, I found it to be very life affirming.

    One thing that's strikes me are the amount suicide survivors who changed their mind just after than acted on the impulse to go through with their plan and who subsequently live long lives and end up dying naturally.

  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Well said.
  4. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    could relate to a lot of what you say.

    i did the research, took care of things (can't really talk about that stuff here), then went on to coming to terms with dying, facing death, desensitizing self to it (unfortunately this was rather easy having lost so many). This kept my brain occupied. Now there is nothing left to occupy it. Be careful. Where i sit is precarious.

    only thing that is left, is here. i come here and and wait it out, often in silence, but i'm still here and feeling a bit of connection to people here. i care deeply about them. when i see they have made it to another day, it helps in some messed up way. much of the time i'm not even up to speaking or engaging with anyone other than a grunt or two (if that). it just helps being here, i don't know why.
  5. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    HI Mojam. welcome.. i do not want to kill myself.. pretty sure i am not the only one on here that feels that way.. have gone thru some very rough times but something always so far has kept me going.

    Mojam you got a good brain up there.. i want to hear more from you in the future.. hope you can keep diverting and hang around.. tc, JIm
  6. Mojam333

    Mojam333 Member

    Thank you, all of you for your helpful comments. I know each one of us are living out our days, some not terribly good, but others may be a lot better.

    This is a good place to talk about things you would most likely be repressing at home, or left unspoken because nobody want's to hear about it anymore. It may not be as good as seeing a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist, but what it is, is a unique way of bring people together, who have troubled lives and/or mental illnesses, who can either ask for help or be helped.

    In a way, this may be just as useful as having a one on one session with a medical professional. Why? Because, although we cannot see each other, we are all fighting the same demon and looking for the same answer. One of the best ways to remedy ones own dilemma, is to shift the focus on to someone else, and try to help them. I am not saying that you must always do this, but only when and if, you can.

    Reciprocation is as old as the dust in Eygypt and has been talked about by almost every self help guru that ever lived. Unfortunately it is now considered "pop psychology" and has no real perceived value. The opposite is true. Reciprocation is the most ancient way of restoring balance within communities, even ones where just two people exist.

    The way I see it, when I am going through my serious contemplations, the thought that always pops into my head is "What have I got to lose?" True enough, that is why I am going to die in a few minutes. I have nothing.

    But even while I making arrangements, collecting the necessary pieces of equipment, I get the feeling that I have got something to lose, but I don't know what it is. On many occasions when I am making the preparations, I will need to buy something from the hardware store or wherever. And as serious as I am about going ahead with my plan, I secretly hope that something will happen to make me change my mind.

    That is when I meet the girl in the hardware store. She is helpful and chatty and gets me what I need. She asks me what I am building and I say I am not sure. I leave her and she tells me to have a nice day. ("Am I sure that I really hate the world enought to kill myself?). Out in the car park, I stop to help an elderly lady carry her new wheelbarrow to her car. The old lady gives me a smile and her face becomes like crumpled foil. She can't thank me enough for helping with her wheelbarrow.

    Now I am starting to ramble, but by that stage, I have had two positive encounters with people, and helped one of them out.

    9 times out of 10, a small experience like that has turned around not just my thinking, but my perception. It doesn't last forever, but it lasts long enough to keep me living for a few more days or weeks.

    Suicide is my constant companion, which lives in the back room. He won't go away, but I can certainly do my best to avoid him.

    That is enough for now.

    Until next time...

    ...keep on smilin' :)
  7. Bluey

    Bluey Active Member

    I enjoyed reading your post also.

    I am feeling pretty low myself right at this time.
    For some reason this that I quote you on just made me giggle. I don't know why it did, but I really needed a laugh of any kind.
    I Thank you for that.

    There is surprisingly very little help on line.

    I have looked the same as you.
    I also ended up at this place basically just because it looked the simplest to use.

    You would of thought there would be moor help on line.
    Just because of the nature of suicide. Its not like most ppl are honest about this feelings.
    So to express them on line where there anonymous is the obvious thing to do.
    With saying that I have no clue what help I would offer if I was to set something up on line for ppl.
    This I suppose (This forum) is the best help I would be able to think of.
    It dose kinder help to type all my feelings out. At lest I get to get them out in that way.

    Don't get me wrong I don't wont to die. I just wont the pain to stop.

    I well try, hope you do to.

    I am fairly new here myself. But welcome :)
  8. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    Exactly! Helped me too. Now I'm getting my license degree on suicidal poetry
    and I love it. Told a friend that I'll take my PHD in death, since it's the only thing I Know best :p literature, ancient myths etc.
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