Hello everyone, hope you're doing relatively okay.

[Fogo_]

Hello, I am new here. I am an 18 y.o aspiring artist from Egypt (although I admit I haven't been drawing much due to high school). I have struggled with mental health for nearly all my life, got diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and gender dysphoria (although, again, as you can imagine I don't have the ability to transition) at the age of 16. I have been trying to manage it with therapy and prescribed meds although due to finances I no longer do either of these things.


I normally don't reach out or talk about my problems with others, but recent times have been hard and I am trying to find a way to release pressure off of myself. I basically lost my ability to cry, and because I no longer self harm I don't have a way to alleviate my distress, I either start feeling it in my body (psychosomatic) or I dissociate. It's hard trying to navigate through life with multiple things going on, but somehow despite everything I am still alive. I still do deal with the regular amount of suicidal thoughts, which I presume many of you do so as well.

Non the less, life is hard and if you have read this and reaches the end of my post, I would like to thank you for noticing me (even if you don't reply) and I do wish that your morning/evening went better than mine. I know I am not in the best state to support someone especially when I considered writing a goodbye note 2 days ago, but I have no doubt in my mind that you are all strong and brave (even if you don't think so), possibly even more than me to be honest. I consider it an amazing feat for anyone to make it through daily life and get to see tomorrow, seeing as it's such a struggle.

 

[Veni Vidi Vici]

You sound like a cool Egyptian, @Fogo_. I see you've mentioned getting diagnosed with GIDs, mtf or ftm? Is your family nice to you? All revolves around money it seems.

Also, you do not feel obligated to support people, as we are all of a parasitic nature.

I normally don't reach out or talk about my problems with others,

Makes one feel like a parasite; talking. I've enjoyed noticing you, however. You seem like the shy type.

 

[Fogo_]

@Veni Vidi Vici I am ftm. Only a few people in my family know about this, my sister is fine with me and even tries to use male pronouns for me despite her showing concerns about me "being influenced by the Internet". My cousin is okay with it although she thinks it's possible I am going through a phase, just like my sister. My mum and dad are not really supportive. My mum basically pretends that I have never came out to her and doubles down on feminine terminology, she sometimes gets me feminine clothes that I don't like to wear. My dad thinks I am living a lie (despite claiming he thinks everyone is "valid") but he doesn't really probe me. I haven't come out to anyone else because I know it would cause problems as the rest of my family is pretty conservative, and they already see me as abnormal and poke fun at me because I don't adhere to rigid gender roles. In fact if anything lgbt+ pops up during family discussions their reactions boils down to extreme disgust and calls for violence. Honestly compared to the average Egyptian family I lucked out to even have the ability to come out and find two members who are semi supportive. It's better than getting disowned or beaten or seen as just "mentally ill".
As for money: Yes, I need quite a bit. I am planning on finishing my education and seeing if I can leave the country.

 

[WildCherry]

Hi and welcome to SF!

 

[Livelife]

Welcome here @Fogo. This is a great place to share, unload, sometimes relieve whatever the pressures...so glad you found SF for support. Thanks for sharing some of your world. You also sound quite brave. And we are able to support each other quite a bit even when we are not feeling good ourselves, funny how that works but it does. Take care.

 

[may71]

Hello and welcome to SF Fogo

I am ftm

We have a ftm trans thread here that you might like:

https://www.suicideforum.com/community/threads/ftm-trans-folks.129610/

 

[Veni Vidi Vici]

@Veni Vidi Vici I am ftm. Only a few people in my family know about this, my sister is fine with me and even tries to use male pronouns for me despite her showing concerns about me "being influenced by the Internet". My cousin is okay with it although she thinks it's possible I am going through a phase, just like my sister. My mum and dad are not really supportive. My mum basically pretends that I have never came out to her and doubles down on feminine terminology, she sometimes gets me feminine clothes that I don't like to wear. My dad thinks I am living a lie (despite claiming he thinks everyone is "valid") but he doesn't really probe me. I haven't come out to anyone else because I know it would cause problems as the rest of my family is pretty conservative, and they already see me as abnormal and poke fun at me because I don't adhere to rigid gender roles. In fact if anything lgbt+ pops up during family discussions their reactions boils down to extreme disgust and calls for violence. Honestly compared to the average Egyptian family I lucked out to even have the ability to come out and find two members who are semi supportive. It's better than getting disowned or beaten or seen as just "mentally ill".
As for money: Yes, I need quite a bit. I am planning on finishing my education and seeing if I can leave the country.

Similar situation, except mine are Russians who immigrated to America. Really hate the "mentally ill" and "just a phase" aspect. Lgbtq+ and mental health are really triggers for extreme disgust in them all. Where and what would you want to study exactly? And what languages do you know?

Family is a series of cold transactions, your existence is one of them. Affecting, it seems.

 

[Tor]

Hello @Fogo_ and welcome to SF! We are glad that you found us.

I hope you will find the support you are seeking here. This is a wonderful community with members that are willing to listen without any judgement.

You sound like a kind and considerate person; you’re in pain, but still hoping others are okay too. That is a wonderful quality to have. See you around

 

[Fogo_]

Similar situation, except mine are Russians who immigrated to America. Really hate the "mentally ill" and "just a phase" aspect. Lgbtq+ and mental health are really triggers for extreme disgust in them all. Where and what would you want to study exactly? And what languages do you know?

Family is a series of cold transactions, your existence is one of them. Affecting, it seems.

I am not actually 100% sure myself. I know I will have to finish this last year of high school and seeing that my financial situation isn't the greatest I will most likely attend college or uni here as well (I am a self taught digital artist, so I may choose to major in an art college, but I also have interest in other subjects like forensics for example, which college or uni I will be able to go to will depend on my grades and whether or not I pass their entrance exams). A lot of people who immigrate from here mainly do it through scholarships or through work or through connections (e.g a guy deciding to marry a foreigner). As for where I would go it would depend on my situation. My dad actually lives in greece right now so I might have a chance at being able to go there in the future with his help, and maybe see if I can go to another EU country. I guess we will see where the future takes me. For languages, I know Arabic, English, some Japanese and a little bit of Italian (which I am taking in high school).

 

[Veni Vidi Vici]

I am not actually 100% sure myself. I know I will have to finish this last year of high school and seeing that my financial situation isn't the greatest I will most likely attend college or uni here as well (I am a self taught digital artist, so I may choose to major in an art college, but I also have interest in other subjects like forensics for example, which college or uni I will be able to go to will depend on my grades and whether or not I pass their entrance exams). A lot of people who immigrate from here mainly do it through scholarships or through work or through connections (e.g a guy deciding to marry a foreigner). As for where I would go it would depend on my situation. My dad actually lives in greece right now so I might have a chance at being able to go there in the future with his help, and maybe see if I can go to another EU country. I guess we will see where the future takes me. For languages, I know Arabic, English, some Japanese and a little bit of Italian (which I am taking in high school).

Pretty impressive, in terms of languages. Would you consider yourself an academic? Or the 'learn the trade and go work' attitude? Forensics must be exciting. Do you have role models to look up to? How was your time in High school [grades, friends, sports, infamy] Also, are you living on your own or at home as a miserable dependent? Connections seem critical for your escape, are you a social butterfly out in Egypt [despite your status as not really out]?

 

[KM76710]

@Fogo_

Sad to hear of the struggle but welcome and glad you are with us. This is a site where you will be able to reach out to others and get to know people who do care and value. I hope that you will continue to join in and post with us getting to know the place.

 

[Fogo_]

@Fogo_

Sad to hear of the struggle but welcome and glad you are with us. This is a site where you will be able to reach out to others and get to know people who do care and value. I hope that you will continue to join in and post with us getting to know the place.

I sometimes disappear for a bit but I will try to check in now and then. Thanks for the welcome!

 

[Fogo_]

Pretty impressive, in terms of languages. Would you consider yourself an academic? Or the 'learn the trade and go work' attitude? Forensics must be exciting. Do you have role models to look up to? How was your time in High school [grades, friends, sports, infamy] Also, are you living on your own or at home as a miserable dependent? Connections seem critical for your escape, are you a social butterfly out in Egypt [despite your status as not really out]?

Probably going to sleep for a bit but to briefly answer, I do have a place to stay in although I have my grandma with me because there isn't anyone else to take care of her. I believe I lean more towards the academic side although my depression can make it hard to function at times. My high school life is a little bit non existent because covid-19 hit and we all spent most of our time studying home online. My grades are on the above average side despite everything, although back then I used to be "an A-Straight student". I am not super social but I had friends (mostly other foreigners who now have left to their own countries) that I check with online. I'll probably find more connections during college/uni, as it's quite a different environment from high school and I'll get to see and meet so many different types of people, or at least that's what I have been told.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

Welcome @Fogo_
I am glad you are here!
🦩🦩🦩🦩