I've been feeling really lonely as of late. I'm usually very depressed (by how my life is at the moment) but sometimes I get periods of really intense suicidal ideation and depression. I've been barely coping for 3 years now. I'm 16. I was at school for three years then pulled out because I wasn't getting along there. I was bullied all throughout, really severely (and by strangers on the street). As a consequence, I've developed what I suspect is Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Social Anxiety (and probably depression). I've been frequently insulted for the way my body looks. I've now developed an extreme anxiety about going outside (haven't left the house in weeks). I'm anxious and paranoid when outside that people are laughing at me. I find it really difficult to talk to people. I'm obsessed with how my body looks, too. Now I'm home educated. I have no friends. I don't leave the house anymore. I can't even work anymore - I'm working towards my GCSEs. I just want to sleep my life away. I'm not motivated to do any work/can't retain anything I learn, so I just sleep now. I know for sure I will fail my exams. Hopefully I can get help quickly though so that I can try and do some work before I have to take my exams in May 2014. Maybe I should force myself to leave the house, too? However. HOWEVER. My LAST hope is that I have a doctor's appointment on 21st (in a week) to see if she can help me. I'm going to be honest for once, even if it means crying in front of her and embarrassing myself. If she can't help me, I really will go through with it. I'm currently seeing a therapist but I can't be honest with him about how much I want to kill myself because I know he'll tell my parents (even though they already know -sorta). It's policy, he has to tell them, which means I can't be honest. I am so lonely, all the time. I wish I didn't have to live.