So I'm new here. Signed up yesterday actually. Just felt very lonely and started looking around for a place to find some company, and I found this place! I've never gotten a diagnosis from a doctor or anything. But I've been having "bad times" for six years now, and I've had suicidal thought for two years. I tried to tell a doctor about my problems for the first time a few weeks ago. He told me that because I'm planning my future and since I go to school every day and have good grades, he's not worried about me. And he thinks I will be fine. Not really what I wanted to hear. So ever since then I've been messing up my life. I started ignoring work calls, I broke up with my boyfriend, I stopped taking care of myself, I stopped cleaning the apartment and just did everything I could to mess it all up. I think I did it to prove that I really need help. I've always been afraid to talk about my bad times and thoughts, I'm afraid I won't be taken seriously. And what happens the first time I talk about it to someone other than my boyfriend? He doesn't take me seriously... But I really hate what I've done, and since yesterday I've been trying to fix it again. I just hope I can keep going.