hello, everyone

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Yuzuki-chan, Jun 10, 2014.

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  1. Yuzuki-chan

    Yuzuki-chan Member

    hi, just joined today. this is my first suicide related forum/community outside of my friends who are the lights of my life and the main reasons i still breathe
    the reason why i am here is an awfully long story which i'm still putting into words. i don't really know where to begin, really.
    i have been very low in my life - i still am, constantly, and right now i find myself in a state that makes it hard to feel - and it does not end.
    i have up years ago - it has been nine years since i have started self harm. this is half of my life. it started with things that wouldn't break the skin - rulers and stuff, but it progressed. however i did try to quit numerous times, and i have decreased the amount of times i have, but have recently relapsed.
    i am 18 and i feel like i have seen and done everything, and that it is time to go. there is no use of me staying in a world where i am not welcomed, either.
    in real life, i am the only one who knows. my 'internet' friends (now real friends - we have met each other and they have had a weekend over here, but only 'internet' friends in that we met on the internet and talked on the internet mainly - we skype a lot!) know. well some of them do. one of them suggested i start crushing ice with my hands.

    it is working.

    so like the ice i am taking my recovery into my hands.

    unfortunately my future does not look bright regardless. i am severely dyspraxic and autistic so many jobs are out for me. it makes me extremely anxious and weepy when i am faced with social situations with strangers - especially the threatening type. it is not because i am scared per se, but just very anxious and it amplifies to the point where i cannot handle it
    and unfortunately it comes out in a very undesirable way - gross sobbing. ugh

    but i am hoping to get into games design in college, and i have a conditional offer. i am confident i will get the grades, i just hope i can be okay in games design as it has always been a dream from when i was as young as six or seven!

    so with that hello! i am yuzuki-chan. feel free to call me by any fitting nickname as long as it is not offensive of course :)
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi nice to meet you Many have met good friends over internet so coming here i am sure you will meet more people who understand and care
    I hope to that you look forward now you are only 18 and who knows what the future will bring you
  3. JV3

    JV3 Well-Known Member

    I think that's awesome you want to go into game design! That's a really great field to go into today, and with games becoming more and more apart of people's everyday life, I think it's a very good field to go into for the future as well.
  4. Yuzuki-chan

    Yuzuki-chan Member

    nice to meet you both as well, this is a very welcoming place. but it feels like i'm done regardless, you know? like, i've done everything i /need/ to do, and there's nothing else waiting
    but at the same time i am looking forward to doing some game design because it could be fun. it is looking promising there's a LOT of jobs where i live in that sector, but then there's the problem of what one would actually suit me you know? haha...
  5. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    :welcome: to SF Yuzuki

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