Hello fellow readers! My name is AstroTigg. I'm 26 years old and I've been suicidal for the past five years. I'm somewhat new to this but thought it would be nice to do, to keep my mind occupied other than the alternative. Well I would say it is easier to talk to people worlds away then to family or friends in my experience. A little brief insight to help understand why I decided to be here: Six years ago, I was tasked with the responsibility of taking care of my grandmother. One year later she passed away, which came as quite a shock to me as I thought that my family were invincible at the time, I was well and truly emotionless at at the funeral as the rest of the family were stricken with emotions, even my older brother burst into tears and we were amongst the ones who carried the casket to the burial. During that year, I went back to business as usual and kept going, like that saying "bottled up emotions". One night, my oldest brother came home with a friend of the family and of course they were drinking that night. I was playing a game quietly and my brother tried to get my attention by throwing objects at me, I cursed at him and we fought and I got injured in the fight. I went to bed, then woke up the next morning half way through trying to end my life. I blanked out the waking up part of that morning, kind of like sleepwalking. As I was told once, never insult a drunk person with an ego. I get these headaches now and then since that night. My bottled emotion shattered in that fight. After all that ever since for five years, I've been looking for ways to end it but never succeeded. I hope this will be a great journey for me as a new recipient to this forum and wish everyone a wonderful day. Thank you!