Hello I never thought I would join a forum like this but I guess when things get bad enough in your life you will turn just about anywhere for answers or help. I just hope im not to far gone. Im 26 yeras old from Virginia and Im like anyone else that comes here I got problems but seems like in the past few months they have all piled on all at once.. I feel trapped like their is no way out.. it's hard to explain so i'll keep it short I work a crappy part time job, still live with my parents and have no direction in life, I did have direction but it all changed when I got diagnosed with osteo-arthritus and a torn meniscus a few months ago and it has pretty much led to severe depression.. I used to play semi pro football, play basketball and do boxing all the time and I recently lost 60 lbs went from 350 to 290 and felt good for once because it's the lowest weight I had been in years and I have always been active and worked out since high school even at that weight but lil did I know the all the damage I was doing to my joints from the years of exercise and losing weight back and fourth took a bad toll on my body and im pretty much in pain daily now and the weight is coming back on because it's so hard to exercise at times.. I had to give up boxing and basketball recently which I loved doing... But It just seems like a lost cause anymore. Im in pain daily when I try to exercise... Someone said go get operated on or get some shots in the knees and get it fixed well it's kinda hard to do with no insurance im sure people can relate to that and then my friend suggested get on disabiltity check... Well Im sorry I would rather die then depend on society to keep me up for my mistakes I made at such a young age.. I no longer have many friends, just a few, I dont talk to my family no more then just a few words, I feel like such a failure I just sit and cry sometimes thinking back on all the chances I had to change my life over the past few years and just couldn't do it now im paying for it and I know it's only gonna get worse years down the road and I dont wanna become someone who depends on drugs for pain or other people to do stuff for me.. It's took a emotional toll on me more then anything and people dont understand how hard it is to deal with depression and thoughts of suicide on a daily basis.. It's not a matter of if it's a matter of when, I think about suicide everyday or everyime I try to workout and cant because of pain.. If they ever pass that assisted suicide law and make it legal that will probably be the day when I end the pain.. I just hope I can hold out until that day comes... My name is Sam by the way and im sorry for the long paragraph but I dont usally express myself and always keep my feelings hidden, but now I just dunno what else to do I cant talk to my family or friends they wouldn't understand but im hopeing this forum can help some by reading stuff and talking to people who experience the same things, and to know im not alone in the daily struggle helps.