I came upon your forum via google. felt the onset of another low mood, and thought i might reach out and try to find others like me. feel so alone in this world. feel it in my core... I'm 32 years old. Single. Confused and scared about growing into this adult world. I feel like people are crazy for wanting to live in a world like this. I feel that people are insane for not trying to make real, lasting changes to make this world a better place for all of humanity. I try. In my interactions, in the choices I make. I try not to pave the way for this culture of commerce. I'm dissatisfied with my lot in life. Back in 2006, in March, I sat on a bench by the St. Lawrence riverbank and cried, and tried to coax myself along a path. I was either going to drown, or else I was going to rescue what willpower remained and make something of myself. Honor my parents, and my loved ones and my friends, and this existence of "mine". That was nearly four years ago, and though much has changed for me, so much remains the same. I still know depths that haunt me and freeze my will. I'm teaching myself to overcome all of these sensations – to re-learn to cope with the world, its people, and the human drama that manifests in every arena of our involvement with one and other. I can't honestly say that it's difficult to be alive. But I can honestly say that I lack the courage to take my own life and end it once and for all. I believe that an energy underlies all living things. I've experienced many spiritual awakenings during my life thus far. I used to draw premonitions from my dreams, but over the past years, my dreams have been transformed by... a numbness that has rendered me self-conscious, hesitant, self-doubting, negative-minded, cautious, solitary... It is the onset of this numbness that I feel returning. This is why I registered for SF tonight. This is what I wish to learn about – IF anyone wishes to share. I'm a good listener. Please, share freely and openly and honestly about your experiences. (thank you) J.