Hi everyone. I've been lurking around for a short while (a very short while) and decided I have to at least post something. So, while I've got things on my mind, I've decided to share Well, my story is odd but I guess can amuse a folk or two. I'm 36 years old guy who's never had a girlfriend (or many friends at all, for that matter). I've never dated or touched a girl (except for the rare stripper - and that I don't enjoy). You can tell by now that I'm still a virgin (commence mocking... now!). I really don't know how to go about asking out a girl and I'm very obsessed with physical beauty even though I'm about as ugly a guy as you can get. Even when I do interact with a woman, it usually ends up in the platonic friend zone. To say this is all frustrating is quite an understatement. So, why am here instead of a forum for 36-year-old loser virgins? Well, all this loneliness has caused me to feel very suicidal. I've always had these thoughts but lately, they've gotten stronger. Another weird part is that when I felt like taking my life, it was usually at a time of despair. Now, I can just look at a girl in a car at a red light tossing her hair aside and I get chills and feel like taking my life. I know, I know... this sounds really dumb and stupid. I used to feel scared when I thought of ending my life but now I feel happy. To come to the point of why I'm posting here today - as I said, I feel happier now but today, I took two passport size pictures of myself and mailed in my application to get a gun. I live in a very large US city and firearms are highly regulated here and it can take weeks (if not a couple of months) to get a permit and another couple of weeks after that to physically get a gun legally. But I got the ball rolling today and now I'm scared again but more excited than anything else (like I'm waiting in line for a roller coaster). Does anyone else feel like this? I feel like I have nothing to offer and nothing going for me. If I only had a woman... Thanks for listening.