Hello Everyone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by josephMerrick, Jul 20, 2010.

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  1. josephMerrick

    josephMerrick Member

    Hi everyone. I've been lurking around for a short while (a very short while) and decided I have to at least post something. So, while I've got things on my mind, I've decided to share :)

    Well, my story is odd but I guess can amuse a folk or two. I'm 36 years old guy who's never had a girlfriend (or many friends at all, for that matter). I've never dated or touched a girl (except for the rare stripper - and that I don't enjoy). You can tell by now that I'm still a virgin (commence mocking... now!).

    I really don't know how to go about asking out a girl and I'm very obsessed with physical beauty even though I'm about as ugly a guy as you can get. Even when I do interact with a woman, it usually ends up in the platonic friend zone. To say this is all frustrating is quite an understatement.

    So, why am here instead of a forum for 36-year-old loser virgins? Well, all this loneliness has caused me to feel very suicidal. I've always had these thoughts but lately, they've gotten stronger. Another weird part is that when I felt like taking my life, it was usually at a time of despair. Now, I can just look at a girl in a car at a red light tossing her hair aside and I get chills and feel like taking my life. I know, I know... this sounds really dumb and stupid. I used to feel scared when I thought of ending my life but now I feel happy.

    To come to the point of why I'm posting here today - as I said, I feel happier now but today, I took two passport size pictures of myself and mailed in my application to get a gun. I live in a very large US city and firearms are highly regulated here and it can take weeks (if not a couple of months) to get a permit and another couple of weeks after that to physically get a gun legally. But I got the ball rolling today and now I'm scared again but more excited than anything else (like I'm waiting in line for a roller coaster).

    Does anyone else feel like this? I feel like I have nothing to offer and nothing going for me. If I only had a woman...

    Thanks for listening.
  2. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    No one here will mock you for being a virgin. There are plenty of us around...

  3. Azmodius

    Azmodius Well-Known Member

    First off, no one here will mock you, we all have our own baggage also, it would serve no purpose to insult others for fleeting respite.
    Secondly, relationships (lack of, negative or too much in some cases) are one of those key triggers for depression, it's not uncommon or 'weird'.
    The fact you've come here is a positive step, you should get non-judgmental advice and support.

    Feeling alone is difficult, but believe me when when I say that it's better to wait for someone who really cares then go through 100 small flings, quality not quantity. Whilst it hasn't happened yet, the important word is YET. There are roughly 6 billion people on the planet (half male, half female obviously!), that's a lot of people you probably haven't met, and love can happen any time from nowhere!

    You are a unique individual, and do have something to offer, just focus on that and keep going. Maybe try looking at expanding your interests or trying new things to meet people. Put the whole concern about love on the backburner, and allow people to just get to know the real you.

    I was a virgin till relatively late, and I wish I hadn't settled for some people because of my own chronic insecurities, but it came from nowhere. Try to keep positive, you're only 36, not 96, there's still time!

    Hope that is of help, I witter a lot, I apologise!
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Joseph and welcome to SF. You're not weird and there's nothing wrong with being a 36 year old virgin. I can probably relate to the situation that you're in. I'm nearly a 30 year old virgin, or at least I'll be one in about 6 months. Do I regret not getting laid already? I suppose so. But honestly, the time wasn't right and it just isn't worth it having sex with a stripper or a prostitute. The right girl will come along someday. I think I may have met my future wife. :)

    I have my firearms license and I own three guns, but I am not suicidal, I just like having the security in case of a home invasion. I don't that you should buy a gun, because you might be tempted to use it to end your life. I can't prevent you from getting one though. Why not try and start a relationship instead of getting a gun? You can't end your life before losing your virginity. Please don't give up. :hug:
  5. josephMerrick

    josephMerrick Member

    I appreciate the re-assurance of no mocking :) and I really do appreciate the replies.

    I know things haven't happened for me yet but how much longer do I have to wait? In less than four years, I'll be 40. I can't even imagine what my life will be like at that point. I'm very scared that I'll still be without any companionship.

    I hate that I'm a nice guy. I hate that I'm so hideous looking. I hate that I can't get past wanting a decent looking girl. I really hate that even if I do find someone at this point, she'll likely dump me soon enough because I have no experience.

    How do guys do it? Even when I drink I have no confidence. How do you get to that level of courage?

    Maybe I should get a real doll. It's not like I'm spending money on a woman anyway.

    People tell me that I should be happy that I'm not in a relationship because I get to do what I want when I want and spend my money any way I like and go anywhere, anytime. And yeah, I used to love doing that. But I would gladly give that all up for a relationship with a woman. I love kids and all my friends are having kids (or already have them) and I have nothing.

    What good is a decent job and a nice car and nice condo when I have no one to share it with? Maybe I should just sell the place and the car and give the money to charity. At least I'll be helping someone.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sorry depression has got you bad too. thing is you just have to get out amongst new crowd of people. do new things make new connections Do things that will bring you someone with same interest as yours. if you have a kind heart you will meet someone lots of people don't meet up until their 40s have kids in ther40s I am glad you came here to vent you will see no one judges here and you will also see you are not alone as you think you are. take careokay keep talking meet new people here as well.
  7. josephMerrick

    josephMerrick Member

    I appreciate the sentiment Dave and I don't mean to sound dismissive (please don't interpret my reply as such. I'm very appreciative of all advice) but six and a half years ago, I felt the same way you did sans meeting my potential wife (I sincerely wish you the very best on that, by the way).

    Six and a half years is a long time. At this stage, I'm just getting more bitter as the days go by and I feel it's coming across rather distinctly to people I meet. I mean, like at work today, my co-worker who sits across from me is very attractive and she gets guys coming over to her desk all the time. I can't take it when a guy is all smooth to her. I'm incapable of doing that. Guys are always coming to me asking about her and she has no interest in me (in fact, she says I'm like a brother to her - god, I hate hearing that!).

    As for the gun, well, as I said it's going to take a while to get the permit anyway. I promised myself that I would NOT buy one right away but make at least a few "hail-mary" efforts to find a mate.
  8. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    You seem like a very good person. You just have to be aorund more women thats all. Why not go to a support group or 12 step group? You can meet some great women and they get to kno wyou through the program. I never went to these programs to meet women but it just happens. Im a pretty average person and I had many many opportunities for relationships. Why not try?

    Also relationships are good,but only a part of life. If you make them that important you will neglect other things. Why not cultivate other parts of your life and that will take care of itself. You may not be ready for a reltionship and give out different signals than you think. I also think you idealize these things,but they can be pretty bad too and not all fun and happiness.

    I pray you NEVER hurt yourself. PLEASE try prayer. It has saved me many times,

    Take my advice,join a 12 step group. I guarentee that you will meet wonderful people. They will see who you really are and many will like and love you!!!!

    Write me if you like,

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