Hello everyone
- Thread starter pooky
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Thank you everyone for your warm replies.:sf:
I will keep posting by sharing my feelings with you all.
Today I went to a 5-star hotel for an interview for a college degree.The interview took in 2 groups.I was in the 2nd group with 2 other people.I was asked several personal questions like my background,about my families and such.There were three 'angry' people who were taking the interview.Yes they were really angry.How did I come to know?Well they told me that (after hearing for me after some time) that I was speaking from a humanistic point of view and they don't like that at all.One of them even called me damn stupid.They said they love politics and that I should also play politics (which I don't like at all). One of them was even speaking against God by calling Him merciless, not caring for the poor,the hungry and the homeless.He also told me never again to support God.Sounds like an atheist.
Then that man asked me about my strengths and weaknesses.I said that my biggest strengths are that I am a good listener and I can write very well but my biggest weakness is that I can't communicate/interact my thoughts to others very well while speaking.
My interview went on for 20 minutes longer than the other two candidates in my group.
I am somewhat sad right now becuz I couldn't make a big impression during the interview. :-(
After my interview was over an unexpected thing happened. lol One of the candidates (both were female) literally started flirting with me.She was asking my name,where I live and in the end asked if she could exchange phone numbers with me. haha.I felt good at that moment but I refused to give her by asking her that why in this world does she need my phone number.Then I went away from there.The conversation went on for about 15 minutes.
I didn't give my phone no. becuz I don't trust ppl easily even if they are very friendly, or flirt a lot.My bad luck.These type of similar things keep on happening with me at least once or twice every year - a girl comes forward to me and starts talking to me.(Once it also happened that she even asked if I was free at that time, and if I am interested in her).
I am honestly less than an average joe - average looking, average manners,average intelligence...then why would some girls (and yes most of them were really beautiful and of my age) would approach a guy like me when there are plenty of other guys in my town.(More guys than girls) lol
I now feel that at least my fate is giving me such opportunities like some beautiful girl approaching me , chatting with me for 15-20 min or so before I leave them (lol) and I should make use of my opportunities.May be next time if something similar happens I would love to say that I am interested in her and we can be friends and exchange numbers or something very similar.What do u ppl think about my idea?
And next time I sit for an interview I should not be afraid of anyone even if they are mean,corrupt or angry or speak against God.At least I am getting opportunities by being in front of them, while so many ppl don't get these opportunities.isn't it?
And the most ironic thing is that I am crazy for my sweetie but she dosen't like me at all - dosen't even speak to me.My bad luck.
I am somewhat contended with my life.I am becoming a better human being every day.I am trying to forget my past(22 yr old - 7 yrs already with severe schizophrenia) and I need the love and support of you ppl.
If it was not for u all, I would have definitely killed myself.I have struggled a lot in my life,been burnt a lot from inside.Ppl have and still take advantage of my nice nature.But its changing gradually.I won't let anyone take advantage of me,I won't be depressed(even if I am really sad I will put a smile on my face).
I will make everyone , every single one of you proud and I am not running away. c ya:peaceful:
I will keep posting by sharing my feelings with you all.
Today I went to a 5-star hotel for an interview for a college degree.The interview took in 2 groups.I was in the 2nd group with 2 other people.I was asked several personal questions like my background,about my families and such.There were three 'angry' people who were taking the interview.Yes they were really angry.How did I come to know?Well they told me that (after hearing for me after some time) that I was speaking from a humanistic point of view and they don't like that at all.One of them even called me damn stupid.They said they love politics and that I should also play politics (which I don't like at all). One of them was even speaking against God by calling Him merciless, not caring for the poor,the hungry and the homeless.He also told me never again to support God.Sounds like an atheist.
Then that man asked me about my strengths and weaknesses.I said that my biggest strengths are that I am a good listener and I can write very well but my biggest weakness is that I can't communicate/interact my thoughts to others very well while speaking.
My interview went on for 20 minutes longer than the other two candidates in my group.
I am somewhat sad right now becuz I couldn't make a big impression during the interview. :-(
After my interview was over an unexpected thing happened. lol One of the candidates (both were female) literally started flirting with me.She was asking my name,where I live and in the end asked if she could exchange phone numbers with me. haha.I felt good at that moment but I refused to give her by asking her that why in this world does she need my phone number.Then I went away from there.The conversation went on for about 15 minutes.
I didn't give my phone no. becuz I don't trust ppl easily even if they are very friendly, or flirt a lot.My bad luck.These type of similar things keep on happening with me at least once or twice every year - a girl comes forward to me and starts talking to me.(Once it also happened that she even asked if I was free at that time, and if I am interested in her).
I am honestly less than an average joe - average looking, average manners,average intelligence...then why would some girls (and yes most of them were really beautiful and of my age) would approach a guy like me when there are plenty of other guys in my town.(More guys than girls) lol
I now feel that at least my fate is giving me such opportunities like some beautiful girl approaching me , chatting with me for 15-20 min or so before I leave them (lol) and I should make use of my opportunities.May be next time if something similar happens I would love to say that I am interested in her and we can be friends and exchange numbers or something very similar.What do u ppl think about my idea?
And next time I sit for an interview I should not be afraid of anyone even if they are mean,corrupt or angry or speak against God.At least I am getting opportunities by being in front of them, while so many ppl don't get these opportunities.isn't it?
And the most ironic thing is that I am crazy for my sweetie but she dosen't like me at all - dosen't even speak to me.My bad luck.
I am somewhat contended with my life.I am becoming a better human being every day.I am trying to forget my past(22 yr old - 7 yrs already with severe schizophrenia) and I need the love and support of you ppl.
If it was not for u all, I would have definitely killed myself.I have struggled a lot in my life,been burnt a lot from inside.Ppl have and still take advantage of my nice nature.But its changing gradually.I won't let anyone take advantage of me,I won't be depressed(even if I am really sad I will put a smile on my face).
I will make everyone , every single one of you proud and I am not running away. c ya:peaceful:
That sucks about being around people who are so negative, but don't let that bring you down. And don't be afraid to speak up for yourself, either. It can be difficult when you are not used to doing it, but it can be worth it in the end. The next time a girl approaches you, don't be afraid to ask for her number or accept it if she gives hers. You can't really expect to meet anyone new if you aren't open to it. I'm glad that you are so positive and want to get better. It's nice that you want to make everyone proud, but the most important thing is being proud of yourself. :smile:
Thank you Christy for ur reply.
I don't know why but I feel more confident and better every day,(May be becuz after attending interviews, it has boosted my spirit or may be becuz I have hit the rock bottom of sadness and the only way to survive is by getting up) and I am now open for anything unexpected.
I will keep myself updated...:yeah:
Hugs to everyone and Christy:hug:
I don't know why but I feel more confident and better every day,(May be becuz after attending interviews, it has boosted my spirit or may be becuz I have hit the rock bottom of sadness and the only way to survive is by getting up) and I am now open for anything unexpected.
I will keep myself updated...:yeah:
Hugs to everyone and Christy:hug:
Well I am schizophrenic . I am sick and tired of false promises, lies, corruption and the way the rich people behave .Same goes to my family. :shame:
My uncle,aunt,cousins and ppl who call themselves my frnds (in real life) did not have to go through what I went through - survived multiple attempts of suicide, survived car accident, was bullied in school,my mom had extreme problem during my birth (shortness of oxygen) , and I saw my mom pass away due to cancer in 2008.:blue
on't ask about dad - he lives somewhere else - always yells in phone,sold my car (when i said i wanted to learn driving).Honestly speaking i don't love him.
On 15th of march , I have to travel somewhere cuz i was selected 4 an interview.
Now none of the people will support me . None of them would want to travel with me(their excuse: we have our own problems/we r busy)
I am presently living alone for 3 yrs in my home.My dad sends some money every month.
Now to travel there I need more money than I currently have.I just have less than 1500 bucks left for this month.Dad sends around 5000 bucks every month.
Now when i asked dad 4 more money he said u r grown up man(me 22), just ask ur immediate uncles.I can't help u much.
Now my uncles are rich enough - they go to luxurious paries in 5* hotels,wedding parties,rides ac cars, and goes out of the country every often just to visit that nation.
When i asked them for the cash they said u travel by train.(it will cost around 2000 bucks and will take 26 hrs min. to travel!) instead of flight (3500 - 5000 bucks and just 2 hrs to travel).I know they can afford that after all they themselves travel to various continents often.
They know i have schizophrenia.I grow extremely tired very quickly around large no of ppl - abnormal heart beat, shortness of breath , headache ...
Why cant they spend a little more for me (i will pay for this after 2 yrs ,after completing my degree and getting a job) instead of being selfish , always thinking about themselves, yelling at me...
U all tell me should i just slap those mean ppl in their face ...I am totally disgusted without having a true frnd in real life.
Why did i survive suicide?I wish I was dead.:sad:
My uncle,aunt,cousins and ppl who call themselves my frnds (in real life) did not have to go through what I went through - survived multiple attempts of suicide, survived car accident, was bullied in school,my mom had extreme problem during my birth (shortness of oxygen) , and I saw my mom pass away due to cancer in 2008.:blue
on't ask about dad - he lives somewhere else - always yells in phone,sold my car (when i said i wanted to learn driving).Honestly speaking i don't love him.On 15th of march , I have to travel somewhere cuz i was selected 4 an interview.
Now none of the people will support me . None of them would want to travel with me(their excuse: we have our own problems/we r busy)
I am presently living alone for 3 yrs in my home.My dad sends some money every month.
Now to travel there I need more money than I currently have.I just have less than 1500 bucks left for this month.Dad sends around 5000 bucks every month.
Now when i asked dad 4 more money he said u r grown up man(me 22), just ask ur immediate uncles.I can't help u much.
Now my uncles are rich enough - they go to luxurious paries in 5* hotels,wedding parties,rides ac cars, and goes out of the country every often just to visit that nation.
When i asked them for the cash they said u travel by train.(it will cost around 2000 bucks and will take 26 hrs min. to travel!) instead of flight (3500 - 5000 bucks and just 2 hrs to travel).I know they can afford that after all they themselves travel to various continents often.
They know i have schizophrenia.I grow extremely tired very quickly around large no of ppl - abnormal heart beat, shortness of breath , headache ...
Why cant they spend a little more for me (i will pay for this after 2 yrs ,after completing my degree and getting a job) instead of being selfish , always thinking about themselves, yelling at me...
U all tell me should i just slap those mean ppl in their face ...I am totally disgusted without having a true frnd in real life.
Why did i survive suicide?I wish I was dead.:sad:
Thanks Christy again.:hugtackles:
There are only a handful of persons who are good to me in real life.I can count how many there are.They are -
1.My doc or neuro-psychiatrist - he is a really good human being.I am very open to him... and he loves me a lot.
2.One of my college faculty - he is just as good as my doc.Has helped me a lot with money,with my personal trouble.Very cool headed
3.My computer mechanic- although he takes hefty money to repair my pc but he is so gentle and good behaving so much that i want to meet him everyday.Last time he did not even take any cash or money.
Other than these three I cant think of any other person who loves me unconditionally in real life.I respect my dad.i like him but unfortunately i don't love him.He dosen't love me unconditionally
And of course every one of u here on SF.U ppl have been very warm and friendly towards me right from the beginning.
I am not gonna kill myself but sometimes that creepy thought of suicide jumps into my mind out of nowhere.
I wish that i get a job within the next 2 yrs and make everyone who love me and myself super proud. :sf:
There are only a handful of persons who are good to me in real life.I can count how many there are.They are -
1.My doc or neuro-psychiatrist - he is a really good human being.I am very open to him... and he loves me a lot.
2.One of my college faculty - he is just as good as my doc.Has helped me a lot with money,with my personal trouble.Very cool headed
3.My computer mechanic- although he takes hefty money to repair my pc but he is so gentle and good behaving so much that i want to meet him everyday.Last time he did not even take any cash or money.
Other than these three I cant think of any other person who loves me unconditionally in real life.I respect my dad.i like him but unfortunately i don't love him.He dosen't love me unconditionally
And of course every one of u here on SF.U ppl have been very warm and friendly towards me right from the beginning.
I am not gonna kill myself but sometimes that creepy thought of suicide jumps into my mind out of nowhere.
I wish that i get a job within the next 2 yrs and make everyone who love me and myself super proud. :sf:
Well i am trying to help other people solve their problems(i have started with trivial problems) 1-1 for me 1 problem solved one not...
Also I need to make someone genuinely happy so far 1-0 for me.I made someone very happy when a couple of days back i shared my loaf of bread with a homeless one by giving him half of the sweet bread and boy that broken tooth smile of that man was actually genuine and i had a great feeling at that moment.
Also i need to socialize everyday ... even if its petty things like shopping...
I really want to help u all ppl cuz i know what u all ppl have been through or are passing through.U ppl are the true heros,the true celebrities,people worthy of hall of fame...
No partner..life sucks(socialize more..u r sure to find someone)
No job... sucks(try and try..if u r not ready this month try again next month)
Lost a dear one (well we all will be leaving one day.Just hope they r better than us on the other side)
U are ugly looking(but i am uglier than most)
I am a nobody spending most of my time solving other ppl's problems,trying to make other ppl happy,wanting to heal them.
Also I need to make someone genuinely happy so far 1-0 for me.I made someone very happy when a couple of days back i shared my loaf of bread with a homeless one by giving him half of the sweet bread and boy that broken tooth smile of that man was actually genuine and i had a great feeling at that moment.
Also i need to socialize everyday ... even if its petty things like shopping...
I really want to help u all ppl cuz i know what u all ppl have been through or are passing through.U ppl are the true heros,the true celebrities,people worthy of hall of fame...
No partner..life sucks(socialize more..u r sure to find someone)
No job... sucks(try and try..if u r not ready this month try again next month)
Lost a dear one (well we all will be leaving one day.Just hope they r better than us on the other side)
U are ugly looking(but i am uglier than most)
I am a nobody spending most of my time solving other ppl's problems,trying to make other ppl happy,wanting to heal them.
Well, today i went to my college.We only have half a dozen students left in the final yr (inc. me).
My institution is very small...3 rooms,2 washrooms and one library cum computer room and some ppl of higher authorities(the director) blamed me for a fault of their own.
Here's how?
I went in my college, then went straight to the balcony...stayed there for a minute and came back inside the institution.
There were only three ppl - the director,one officer and one faculty...I met them ...paid my fees(now here i am sharing a secret of my college...i pay the highest amount of fees out of six...i am one of the top graders and that also by studying not much...u all know me..i am schizophrenic..i cant focus)There were originally 15 students ...but they could not get promoted...except we six...
why i pay so much?well basically the rest five are a** kissers or are relatives of the director... and so they have to pay far less than me..my pathetic life sucks!I feel misreble...
Anyway, after meeting them i went in the library and took out a book(a book on adolf hitler) and was trying to concentrate on it...I stayed in that room for about 70-75 minutes when everything (the whole drama) was taking place in the director's room.
What exactly happened in that room?
Well those ppl were having a discussion on our semester.Fine...After some time the faculty left... then after 75 minutes the director comes to the library and tells me that its ur fault...
That piece of shit was trying to say that he searched all the 3 empty rooms,the balcony and could not find me...They
did not bother to search the 'knowledge' room...(library plus computer room) and told me that u r sitting here.I thought u had left....why dont u sit in ur classroom..(well there is no one in the classroom , it has only chairs and a white board so i was in the lib.)U pathetic mad man.I searched all over the college (yeah the 3 rooms and one tiny balcony) and u r in the library instead of the (empty) classroom...
I wish i could have spit that shit right in face(he was yelling at me)... - i am not an ass kisser..i pay the highest fee...one of the best in the college in grades...plus living with this illness is no easy...
but i didn't do it.(i am such a bad guy/ a coward)...
then i came back and told my dad about it over phone.U know what he said - chill man,it happens...
So u ppl tell me was it the director(that shits' fault) or my (a schizophrenic cowards' fault)?
Thanks...
Peace...
My institution is very small...3 rooms,2 washrooms and one library cum computer room and some ppl of higher authorities(the director) blamed me for a fault of their own.
Here's how?
I went in my college, then went straight to the balcony...stayed there for a minute and came back inside the institution.
There were only three ppl - the director,one officer and one faculty...I met them ...paid my fees(now here i am sharing a secret of my college...i pay the highest amount of fees out of six...i am one of the top graders and that also by studying not much...u all know me..i am schizophrenic..i cant focus)There were originally 15 students ...but they could not get promoted...except we six...
why i pay so much?well basically the rest five are a** kissers or are relatives of the director... and so they have to pay far less than me..my pathetic life sucks!I feel misreble...
Anyway, after meeting them i went in the library and took out a book(a book on adolf hitler) and was trying to concentrate on it...I stayed in that room for about 70-75 minutes when everything (the whole drama) was taking place in the director's room.
What exactly happened in that room?
Well those ppl were having a discussion on our semester.Fine...After some time the faculty left... then after 75 minutes the director comes to the library and tells me that its ur fault...
That piece of shit was trying to say that he searched all the 3 empty rooms,the balcony and could not find me...They
did not bother to search the 'knowledge' room...(library plus computer room) and told me that u r sitting here.I thought u had left....why dont u sit in ur classroom..(well there is no one in the classroom , it has only chairs and a white board so i was in the lib.)U pathetic mad man.I searched all over the college (yeah the 3 rooms and one tiny balcony) and u r in the library instead of the (empty) classroom...
I wish i could have spit that shit right in face(he was yelling at me)... - i am not an ass kisser..i pay the highest fee...one of the best in the college in grades...plus living with this illness is no easy...
but i didn't do it.(i am such a bad guy/ a coward)...
then i came back and told my dad about it over phone.U know what he said - chill man,it happens...
So u ppl tell me was it the director(that shits' fault) or my (a schizophrenic cowards' fault)?
Thanks...
Peace...
You're not to blame. And you are not a coward! I think in situations like those we tend to just let things happen - the director was in charge so you just let him have his say. I wouldn't have spoken up if that was me because I would have been scared of offending him and getting into trouble. You did the right thing not to say anything this time, but he shouldn't talk to you like that! And it's not fair you have to pay more. Isn't that illegal? I hate that guy and I've not even met him!
Stick with it though. Try and enjoy it! What are you studying?
Stick with it though. Try and enjoy it! What are you studying?
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