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Hello everyone

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by solardust, Sep 3, 2012.

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  1. solardust

    solardust Member

    Hi everyone,just want to say hi,and introduce myself,I'm a 52 yr old female,happy to have found a place where I can be open and honest,and a warm smile.
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Hello and welcome - and thanks for the smiles - they're often needed in here! ;)
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun lots of caring people here so when ready let us know how we can help hun
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Hi solardust, welcome to SF. Glad to know that you feel you can be open here...this is a good site and non judgmental people.
  5. solardust

    solardust Member

    Ok,here it goes....I don't know where to start,so I apologize now.if this is long,I have medical issues of the spine that has left me in constant chronic pain,but the desperation and darkness is deeper than it,I have tried to make my doctor understand this,but she chalks it off to the.pain meds I am on,(fentanyl pain patch)oxycodone,as well as trazadone 150 mg,,I know better cuz this over whelming saddness started prior,it used to cycle,like 3 weeks good a few days bad then a day or so deep,now for the last few months its bad,there are only hours I can grab,I cry at the drop of a dime,I feel so over whelmed,just waking up in the morning makes me want to puke,its has if all joy has been stolen.I was hospitalized in may,for a heart cath(pazt heart attack,bypass in 1997) it came out that my bypass was open and clear,something that should of brought joy,I had fake,for my famillies sake,because I am just wishing it would all end.at discharge my doctor said "stop stressing,you have a wonderful family,and you dont have to work"it felt like she kicked me in the gut.In all honesty,there has not been a day that has gone by in quite a while that I dont think about ending it,the only thing that stops me,is.....guilt,and tthe odds that I would botch it up.I.am crying as I type this ,I will end this post now ,cause I feel like I am just whineing.Thanksfor listening,Solardust
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