I'm sorry if I shouldn't be starting a new thread just because I have no one to talk to. I imagine you get a lot of people making these. But I just made an account especially for this - I didn't know where else to turn than the good old internet. I am just sort of rattling around in my room alone tonight, and I feel trapped in my own body. I am terrified to leave the room for fear my roommate or someone will see me, and I am too lethargic to really do anything anyway. So I stay locked in my room. I am hungry, but I am afraid to leave to get food, and I kind of like the way the pain feels anyway. A dull, constant ache reminding me that I am still alive. I try to distract myself and fail over and over - I rattle around between flash games, to lying down, to another game, back to bed, an attempt to harm myself, music, tears. I don't know what to do with myself. And I keep looking online to see if any friends are there to talk, but no one. I am alone, and I can feel it. I'm not really even sure what I'm saying anymore. I feel cut off, even though I'm the one who's pushing the world away. I can't sleep, but it's driving me crazy to stay awake - I just want to be dead and not have to FEEL any of this anymore. But I'm too much of a stupid coward to go through with it, when it's all I've been thinking about all day. I have cut to try and relieve myself, I have choked myself to near-unconsciousness (the best alternative to suicide I know), but nothing is helping. Next step would be for me to pop a handful of ativan to see if that knocks me out...but more than asleep, I want to be not-alone. ...I guess I just wanted someone to hear me. I want someone to hold me and tell me it's okay for me to be like this, even though I don't think it is, and that everything will get better, even though I know it won't. I feel like a whiny brat crying for attention. >.< I should have just stayed curled up in my closet like the worthless piece of shit I am. But there you have it - I'm gonna post this anyway. I will prolly get no replies...but at least it's out there. So, hi. I'm Oloriel, and I'm new here. And I really wish I was strong enough to kill myself.