Hello all that actually read what I have to type.... My name is Richard, 22 years old, I'm somewhere in the USA. I figured I should go ahead and join, seeing as I am thinking a lot of what I don't want to be thinking about. I consider myself a shy person, I very rarely tell anybody whats going on, most of the time when somethings wrong, I say everything's fine, and try to smile so nobody thinks I'm lying, which doesn't look like it really works. An ok family, sister, brother, and mom, (my dad died of a heart attack at like 36 or so, when I was maybe 10,) I forgot some of my childhood memories, remembering a lot of good times, and a few bad. But growing up over the years have lost a few pets, and some family (one to suicide, she wasn't actually family, but she was family to me, even though we didn't talk a lot). Honestly, the only thing stopping me, is my niece, almost 9 years old, lost my grandma (heart attack, my grandma was actually watching her with another family member while it was happening) and her ant (Her dads side, I'm my sisters side), which to me is too much. Sometimes I think she will get through it better without me. I wake up, think this is the day, trying to find one reason to just leave, or one person to say something hurtful enough.... After typing this, I feel a tad bit better, thanks for letting me type what I had on my mind.