Hello from a determined 94%er

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by quirkyalias, Dec 29, 2015.

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  1. quirkyalias

    quirkyalias Member

    Hello! I've been hovering for a couple of months, but i think i had my "enough" moment today. reading some of the stuff on here's managed to talk me down, deep down i know i'm just ill, but i want to stop hating myself and finding myself either researching how to go about it, or trying on impulse, which is arguably worse.

    I'm 28, my life so far hasn't amounted to much but i managed to get onto a university degree as a mature student (despite dropping out of college). i thought this would be the turning point i needed but if anything it's just confirmed the futility of my efforts. i'm just broken. there was something everybody told their kids that nobody told me. say i finish this degree, which i'm more than capable of, i'll still have the same basic problems. i spent christmas on my own again, and every birthday, relationships, friends, even social media, every experience i've ever had just tells me none of that stuff is for me. people just seem to treat me differently.

    even now, on a site called 'suicide forum' i feel like i've selfishly said too much considering the fact that i don't believe i'm in immediate danger so TL DR: i'm glad i'm finally here.

    PS
    the title of this thread makes a reference to a statistic that was quoted to me, but the delivery carried a sense of cruel research. still, apparently only a small percentage of people like us actually go through with our plans, and 94% are 'just looking for attention'. i don't doubt for a second i'm the only person that's had to face this, so i say if that 94% of people managed to pull themselves out of this, then that number should be celebrated.
     
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  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, a huge congrats on getting your degree, that's a massive milestone you have reached. I fee;l sad that you had to spend christmas alone, I guess christmas is not for everyone but the main thing is to remember that you did get through it and are still here fighting this. I am 26 and could only dream of having a degree. I hope you manage to get work out of it and things start to get brighter, good luck.Welcome to SF :)
     
  3. quirkyalias

    quirkyalias Member

    Cheers Petal! I'm actually only on the first year, if i can get through this i believe in myself enough to do well. i wish i knew why it wasn't enough.

    If uni was something you're interested in, it's not the sealed shut door everybody thinks it is. as a mature student you can always do a couple of years saving, if the debt scares you too. feel free to PM if it's something you're interested in. i'm from a working class background and i just assumed i couldn't go.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Even if it is only the first year and you feel well enough to do it, congrats to you. I know how to get into the I.T's and Universities, its my anxiety that prevents me from being in a class room and not even meds can change that. I am due to start DBT soon so hopefully that will help and I will put in for a course for next year. I'm 26, you are too, we have our whole lives ahead of us literally! Go on and catch life by the b*lls lol!
     
  5. quirkyalias

    quirkyalias Member

    Well that's it. Any attempts never work cos I've not had a life yet. good luck with the DBT, it's good to know you're thinking of pursuing it.

    I actually have a friend with a personality disorder, he's just managed to graduate with a 2:1 despite never going in. I honestly don't know how he did it. It's completely sensible to make sure your heads in the right place before you start.
     
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  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi again, do you know what personality disorder he had? Fair play to him on his degree. I think you should pursue your dreams because you are still young and still have another 40 years before retirement. I hope you are having a good day. You bright, nice to talk to, never give up on your dreams!
     
  7. quirkyalias

    quirkyalias Member

    I don't want to go in to too much detail because there's a good chance he's on these forums, i;ve not told him the full extent of what i'm going through. i'm really sorry if that sounds pretentious or unhelpful in any way. anxiety was his main barrier, but with a really supportive university and his hard work he got through it. he's had his difficulties though, so please don't see this as me demanding you do something you're not ready to do... or that annoying thing where somebody expects something that worked for them, to work for you also.

    support differs in quality, we were really lucky. it sounds like you've already done your research, but if you haven't the more supportive institutions will be happy to give you private open days, maybe even put you in touch with existing students in similar circumstances, talk about study coaches, assessment help (sadly no test answers though pfft) etc. also some mature student entry exam results are valid for a few years after their completion.

    thanks for saying im nice to talk to, i've had to work on that so it's good to know i'm getting better. i just need to stop going round the houses when i write! you're obviously very bright and friendly yourself. good luck with the progress!
     
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