Hi Everyone Like many other times in the last 10-15 years I have wanted to escape from my life, I have made poor choices but on the exterior I have appeared strong, generally happy, career orientated and a social person. Really, when I am alone I scream in pain inside. I cannot function sometimes when I am alone or I cancel things. I make even poorer decisions out of loneliness and I contemplate an end to it all on a regular basis. This weekend I was ready to go and really I know I will feel that way again. There is too much to do and I don't know where to start. I haven't talked to anyone, because if they knew my secrets they may run. I have a brother who suffers from depression, I only know this through my parents. He is successful and has a family and is happy. Me I have a great new job, a wonderful 13 year old son. A few close friends, no boyfriend, because I do not want them in this hell with me. Bills that are unpaid and little money. I feel I am about to get caught out on a mistake I made with my previous job and that from a reputation point of veiw I could not handle it. On the surface I appear fine to everyone because I smile and talk and no one would ever know Mandy, I appreciate that you chatted with me independantly. I think this site has helped me for today. I am not sure what will happen this week but the realization has hit me this weekend I am not fine. Thanks All, nice to meet you.