Hello everyone who is hurting, My name is Tim and I have suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my adult life. I used to have a great career and now cannot hold down a job for longer than six months! To make matters worse, my beautiful wife of 18 years made the tuff decision to leave me amicably after 18 years of marriage. The last 5 years could hardly be called a "relationship" as I put her through the trauma of several medication overdoses and did not show any love towards her which must have been extremely painful for her. She was the most loving and giving person I have ever met. Now I have to live with the guilt of what I put her through. Although I am glad that she finally made the decision to end it because she deserves to live a happy life. And trust me-the old saying "you don't know what you have until you lose it" is with me 24 hours a day. We are currently going through the painful process of selling the house. I am living with my mother who is hurting badly because she is losing a daughter in-law. It is not helpful when she reminds me that I stuffed the relationship up and I finally had to tell her that comments like that are only pushing me closer to the edge. It was not emotional blackmail as I am sure many members on this site would understand. I feel guilt, I feel like a burden and I spent the whole day yesterday searching the web about ending life without a great deal of pain. Because I am such a wuss. Then I found this site and I am glad I did as I know that there are people just like me who are feeling the same way. I know that time is the healer of MOST wounds as I lost my father to cancer at age 57 in 05. But right now the emotions I am going through are so painful that all I can do is pace around the house. Thanks for reading me introduction post/essay.