Looking objectively at the irony of being happy to have found this forum, I am almost laughing for the first time today, but yet that probably describes my true feelings after having done my best to distract myself with anything in the way of social forum types of online activities over this past Winter. This maybe what I have been looking for all along. Today marks the beginning of the fourth year since my return to this 'fatal shore' as Robert Hughes would call it, and to put the past three years into a few words, it hasn't been much fun. At this stage, I should elaborate only briefly that the combination of long-term illness and bureaucracy have left me in rather chronic pain and the resultant poverty that goes with it, and the only options that now seem open to me are to continue suffering until God decides my time has come, or basically put myself out of my own misery. It is not easy to put carefully into words the reasons for joining without sounding like a pitiful, self-absorbed worry-wart, although I feel obligated to briefly mention that I wonder very much at this time about such things as the 'afterlife' and how self-induced euthanasia might result in some sort of spiritual punishment such as reincarnation as a battery hen or eternal damnation. That is probably the major sort of 'philosophical' topic that I am seeking more learned opinions from both thiest and athiest sides, if that makes any sense whatsoever. I admit to being more than a little confused in joining here today, and will do my best to learn what is okay and what is not okay beyond the FAQ rules read already. Above all else, the distraction of being here is of some help in passing the hours between this Thursday morning and Saturday night's lotto draw, and so I thank the forum for being here at a time when nothing else seems all that relevant. Maybe there's a chance I might get lucky on Saturday and then remember the way I feel right now so as to do what I can to help some of the others who might happen to chance along this same road one day. Thank you.