hi guys, this is my second post on this lovely forum. so i am 19 years old fat boy, my grammar is f*cked but i hope you guys still understands my writings. I have been through lot of time until i actually write this, because today i really want to give up and i just want to rethink and refresh my minds so i don't have to do harm things to myself. i am a virgin, lonely fat kid crybaby, who never had even a kiss from a girl, i have few friends and i am grateful for having them. i worked a lot to make things better, i learn music, cause i think music is my only thing that with me in my worst time. I've tried bass, keyboards, guitar, saxophone, and now i am producing music from my laptop. I made a youtube channel with my friends too (only 38 subs lol). its fun and make me happy to living my life, because i think i can do something with my life, and proving to my self i am not a total loser. But still, sometimes the lack of getting a women caught up in my mind, and my current projects suddenly paused for unknown reason when that happens. I don't know what to do, i am just feeling like loser when it came up about women or when my friends talk about their sex experience with girls. I feel like trash because i can't keep up with them. I am talking to my self in my crisis time, try to encourage myself, telling myself that my work hard today will be worth it someday. i think i choose wrong difficulty for my life.