hello goodbye

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by pascal, Jun 14, 2009.

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  1. pascal

    pascal New Member

    Hi everyone,

    im just gonna try to talk all my shit out right here on ur forum, seems like its one of the few who would allow me to do that.
    oke so hers a bit about my life:

    before i was born, my parrents got devorced, my mother remaried when i was 3, with what i have always seen as my real father, he abused her, and sometimes me and my brother, he was an alcoholic, we had alot of shit going on always, my mother has realy bad depressions, it comes in waves, and i think she passed it on to me. sometimes all shit piles up to a pile so huge, i just cant see anything else.
    when i was 18 i started to have anxiety atacks, and some form of paranoia.
    now im 22, and still live with those problems, 3 months ago i visited my docter and he told me to take some time off from work and relax, cause he noticed i was close to ending my life myself i guess.
    so i did that, turned out my boss doesnt feel like paying while im home sick, and he stopped paying me and is claiming now that he fired me before i turned in sick, this is going to cort, but taking an awfull lot of time cause i got a crappy free lawyer, and all this time i have had no money, bills pile up.
    i havnt eaten anything in 11 days now. and to be honest. i just want to fucking end this missery. all my life has been bullshit. and believe me, ive tried to stay positive. i just have the feeling im all out of juice now.
    this is too much for me to handle, ive been looking up some methods on killing myself, i prefered an easy non gore way, cause im a coward. and found a way. ive also been trying to say goodbye to my family, just have to visit my brother. i planned that for wensday. and plan to go to hell on the day after. im just done.

    thnx for letting me post my drama here.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Pascal

    welcome to the forum.

    I'm glad you posted here, it could really help you.
    Is there no way that your family could help you out until you get back on your feet? From your post,you sound like a good,decent guy...we need more of those in the world,not less..I really hope you will reconsider. This doesn't have to be the way.... :hug:
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF. I hope you stick around and give us a chance. There are many caring and insightful people here who can relate. Perhaps you will find some answers.

    Just take some time to regroup. If you are not on any anti-anxiety meds. or anti-depressants, perhaps you can talk to your doctor about trying them to aleviate some of those feelings. I only suggest this because you mention that it has affected your mother and it can run in families.
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