Hi everyone. My name here is Aoi, it's the romaji expression of the word meaning Blue in Japanese. I thought it was fitting. I'm here not necessarily out of crisis, but because I am looking for a broader opinion on my reasons for wanting to end my life. I want to make sure that there isn't an aspect to it that I am missing before I go ahead and make the decision to kill myself. I'll start with the root reason for all of this and then talk about the different ways that this main problem branches into all aspects of my life. When I was nineteen years old I was walking in front of my house when I was struck by a hit and run driver from behind, breaking my fifth cervical vertebrae in my neck, and leaving me an incomplete tetraplegic. I am twenty years old now, almost twenty-one. I was in intensive care for five months, and then another five months in a rehabilitation center. The amount of ability that I retained is good compared to other people with a similar injury to mine, but it still isn't satisfactory. I am bound to a wheelchair and one of my hands is completely paralyzed in a fist. Obviously this injury dented my plans quite a bit. It prevented me from going to college full time. I broke up with a girlfriend of many years shortly after my injury, for one reason she was high maintenance, and the other reason is because of the lack of sexual function that comes with being a tetraplegic/quadriplegic. I was a rather large hedonist before my injury, and unfortunately for me all that was brought to a halt. My body is in more or less constant pain. I have neurologic pain throughout my lower body, my entire body is spastic causing neuromuscular pain and making simple things like putting a shirt on near impossible, and none of the medications out on the market do anything for the pain OR spastiticty. My prognosis is grim in terms of recovery, pretty much everything that I have now is what I can expect to regain, however in terms of longevity I'll probably live another sixty years. I am very healthy otherwise. I've never been religious, as I have too much love for logic, so the religious aspects of suicide do not bother me. My family and close friends understand the pain that I am in 24 hours a day and I know that they would understand (not be happy, but understand) my decision to end my life, so the social aspects of suicide do not really bother me. My injury has been especially tough on me, in my opinion, because of the enormous successes I had in life before hand. All of the things I did I was very good at, and all of the things I did are less enjoyable as I am now. I raced cars, which is possible for quadriplegics, but much less competitive. I was a programmer that typed 130 words per minute, now I am lucky to get 35. I was a drummer, that's gone, etc etc. The comparisons in life before and after my injury are so stark in contrast that it's obvious why I'm depressed. So, here's why I am here. In my mind, which is obviously biased, it comes down to two real paths that I can take. Continue living a life in pain, or muster the courage to end it now. The "simple joys" argument is pretty weak just to say in preparation of hearing that. The small joys in life like a sunrise,sunset, or any other corny situational thing like that truly are not reason enough to live in pain. I wish I was that simple. Any insight? I've read the stickies, but it's hard to relate to a lot of them, not being a teenager in the throes of depression due to a girlfriend of 4 monthes leaving me. :lol!: Not to belittle anyone else's situations, of course.